Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Dungeon: The Better to Eat You With

This is a dungeon for when your party has been eaten by a wolf. It takes place within the wolf, but is not a realistic internal anatomy. There are flat walls and doorways. This is wolfitechture-- if you try to cut your way out, you will dull your blade then drown in blood.

What made you think you could do this? (d6)

  1. You seek your father, trapped within the wolf.
  2. You came to avenge your dead lover. 
  3. Your town elders claimed the wolf was a sign of prosperity and welcomed it into the community. It was only later that the priestess, sister Adolpha, revealed it was a profane trick.
  4. You failed to answer the wolf’s riddle, “Which side of the wolf is more hairy?” (Apparently, the outside.)
  5. You were tricked into thinking there was a portal to your home at the end of the wolf’s throat
  6. Your wizard godfather sent you to gather wolf semen or eggs, and did not wait to hear your excuses.
Tomasz Jedruszek

  • You start in the Stomach. There are pools of acid that deal 1d4 damage if touched. This is the main camp of the dozen people who live in the wolf, called the Bellyachers. Hallways lead from here to the Throat, Intestines, and Bits.
  • Throat: essentially a staircase between the stomach, lungs, and mouth. Near the top, a uvula attempts to knock you down to the stomach, which simultaneously fills the throat with acid.
  • Mouth: if the wolf notices you are in this room, the tongue tries to manipulate you forward to be crushed by its teeth for 1d8 damage. (see tongue stats below)
  • Lungs: Some birds have made their nests here. Has two entrances to the Heart.
  • Heart: a terrifying chapel to the wolf, kept by Sister Adolpha. If she cannot stop someone trying to leave or make trouble, she orders the bellyachers to sacrifice them in the acid pools in the stomach. The Heart connects to the Liver and Lungs.
  • Liver: a terrible bar with makeshift furniture and pried-up boards, plus an old lute and drums. Bellyacher Tomin brews alcoholic “Scabwater” from the toxins he skims from the liver. This scabwater is a gigre, granting the power of haruspicy but imposing the commandments that you must eat some of everyone you kill and cannot harm the followers of the wolf or of Iron. Charity is a mortal sin to drinkers of Scabwater.
  • Bits: a dark chamber filled with inanimate sex cells. Every ten seconds you spend here, depending on the wolf in question, either 1d4 fetal wolves or 1d4 canine homunculi animate and attack. (See stats below) Leads to exit via the urethra, which requires a dexterity test to squeeze through.
  • Intestines: You have to walk single file down this cramped hallway, which is full to the waist with sewage. Within the sewage is 20 fecal skeletons. (See fecal skeleton stats below) Leads to the appendix and exit via the anus.
  • Appendix: glows with an incomprehensible strain. Damaging this directly damages the wolf over the course of an hour.

Jama Jurabaev

  • Uvula: HD 2. Armor as leather. STR 13. (1d6 bludgeoning damage and knocks you back. Test your DEX; succeed and take 1d6 falling damage, fail and get knocked into the stomach.)
  • Tongue: HD 4. Armor as leather. STR 14 (1d4 bludgeoning damage and moves you anywhere in the mouth.)
  • Sister Adolpha: HD 2.  Armor as chain. STR 10 (1d6 wavy dagger) 2 MD, cast summon organ golem, conjure wolfitechtural feature, weeping wound. Has an Icon of conjure wolfitechtural feature. (12 charges)
  • Fetal Wolf: HD 1. Armor none. STR 12. (1d6 bite) Can slosh into other fetal wolves’s space.
  • Canine Homunculus: HD 1. Armor one. STR 8 (1d4 claws) 1 MD, cast paralyze limb, enlarge person, wolf’s strength.
  • Fecal Skeleton: HD 1. Armor as half chain. STR 10+adjacent skeletons. (1d4 crushing. On a 1, test vs. disease or believe that you are dead.)
  • The Wolf: HD 5. Armor as chain. STR 17 (one 1d10 bite and two 1d6 scratches, all at different targets) Once between sleeps, curl its hair instead of taking the effect of a spell or WORD. Those it would kill by biting instead are swallowed and sent into its stomach. It dreams of devouring the world, and any dreamers it devours wake up in its belly.
If the players take their time, roll on this table every time they rest. After rolling 5 and 6 once, just roll a d4:

What comes down the throat?
  1. 1d4 new bellyachers
  2. An injured and confused owlbear
  3. 1d4 acolytes of the Wolf. Treat as level 1 clerics, loyal to Sister Adolpha
  4. 1d6+6 canine homunculi
  5. A frustrated woodsman with a tendency to make rash plans
  6. A prospector with 1 stick of dynamite

Some Ways to Escape the Wolf:
  • Trick it into opening its mouth, then diving between its teeth.
  • Squeezing through its urethra
  • Crawling out of its anus
  • Bursting its appendix, then carving through it as it dies.
  • Fill its stomach with fecal skeletons or scabwater until it vomits.
  • Die and go to heaven.


  1. This is... disturbing and utterly fantastic! How does the wolfconomy work, though? Does the wolf provide for his indwellers in fluids and flesh, or is there some kind of currency to buy your Scabwater with?

    1. There's maybe a dozen people in this wolf (to start out). I'm not sure they need money. As for subsistence, there's always what they can cut out of the wall, plus some of what the wolf swallows.