Those Things Which Happiness Distract Us From (GLoGtober 2024)

Acrostic GLoG class for GLoGtober 2024.

Edward Penfield

Bought Death

Commencing Skill: 1. Archaeology, 2. Glassblowing 3. Camels
Devices: gauzy cloak (as leather), worn staff, necklace of ineffectual charms, and a Nameless Wonder.

• 1: equipment slots +1, Intentional Hostage, Jacinth Eyes
• 2: find secret door +2-in-6, Kismet
• 3: grapple +2, Lacuna
• 4: HP +2, Mirage

Intentional Hostage: As long as you serve him, you are immune to other charm effects, suffocation, and swarms. Whenever you find a magic scroll, potion, or similar item, there is a 2-in-6 chance he will claim it and give you a different one, of similar power. All blunt weapons are loyal snakes in your hands, and magic blunt weapons are venomous.

Jacinth Eyes: They itch. You can glimpse fortune and misfortune. With a round of careful staring, you can sense if someone is cursed, or it they've hidden valuables on their body. If an ally would be the target of a critical hit, you can anticipate it and take the blow for them.

Kismet: In the wilderness, ask for an object and throw away valuables worth ten times what you ask so that no one will ever find it. Then, dig a hole. Your request will be granted.

Lacuna: With a minute of quiet begging, you can turn into [level] slots of red sand for any duration that you specify. After the specified duration, a random mote of sand grows back into you. Your belongings all transform with you, except for sufficiently powerful magic items or banes of your master.

Mirage: In the wilderness, ask for an oasis (50 gp), a village (100), a city (300) or other negotiated point of civilization and throw away the proper fee so that no one will ever find it. On the horizon, your request will be granted. Any inhabitants are his servants as well, but though most are less powerful they consider themselves of a separate and higher order than you, and always will.

Nameless Wonders (d12)

1. Opalescent belt. Converts sunlight into nourishment through pins along your waist.
2. Proven blade. Always lands blade-first when thrown. 1d4 damage, and attack with advantage if thrown while charging.
3. Quiver of sandstone arrows. Six. Utterly shatter against stone or metal targets, releasing the acid-jaw beetle within.
4. Red sash. Magic projectiles fired at you stick harmlessly to the silk, transfixed like stars in the heavens. Wizards will be able to identify your allegiance on sight if they spot the sash.
5. Secret name. Overheard when your death was paid for. Can be used to intimidate his other servants.
6. True death mask. Half-finished clay. Those who don it resemble you. When you don it, resemble a freakish (but anonymous) beetle-dame.
7. Unproven blade. Always lands handle-first when thrown. 1d4 subdual damage, and can be tossed to allies with no risk of harm out to 30 feet.
8. Vicious dog. Floppy ears and lanky build. The only one who may ever tolerate you.
9. Wax seal. The first thing you attach it to belongs to him. A most complicated sigil, but you can draw it without lifting your pen from the page.
10. Xenomorphic idol. When upended, makes a constant rainmaker sound. When fed, dances around.
11. Yellow cloak. Glistens in the midst of riches, and becomes powerful camouflage in treasuries, including inside dragons, fine coffins, and the Unsinking City of Altunsehir.
12. Zombie shoes. The first time you die, after 1d4 Turns you awake, mental stats halved. Slowly, slowly rot. At that point if you remove the shoes you shrivel up and fully cease.