Tuesday, November 14, 2023

100 Fairy Peon Quests

"Quest" is generally a pretty dramatic word for a goal, but fairies, elves, goblins, dwarves, belsnickels and the like are pretty dramatic creatures.

d100 Fairy Peon Quests
1. stumble drunkenly across all Christendom
2. moving from a summer to winter dwelling, or vice-versa
3. peddling wares and exploiting arbitrage between Fairyland and the lands we know
4. seeking a new home after being driven out of their old one
5. delivering a lich’s soul into a designated successor/stronghold
6. seeing the world as part of a coming-of-age ritual
7. scouting out potential homes for their vampiric darke master
8. on their way to terrorize humanity
9. get some well-deserved R&R after terrorizing humanity
10. The Hangover-style attempt to reconstruct the events of a wild bender
11. prosecute titanic royal custody dispute
12. securing an ancestral claim to part of the dungeon against others of their kind
13. opening a new front of the elf war
14. feuding amongst themselves for leadership
15. scrounging together a deep ransom
16. rioting, for the time to overthrow their grasping, grandiose, greedy grandee has come!
17. living out an exile before they can return home
18. witnessing their captain's solemn vow of revenge against their usurping uncle
19. forcing cassandras who have spoken against their boss to dig their own graves
20. argue forcefully for the best way to teach young ones their cultural myths and mores
21. consume dungeon denizens to gain their strength
22. rerouting dungeon throughfares to discourage unwanted visitors and entice the right crowd
23. seeking tribute for a dragon
24. seeking prey for a wild hunt
25. concocting some truly rank goo
26. collecting firewood, very rare in the depths
27.  harvesting worked stone or tile from the walls of the dungeon
28. crafting or reforging a powerful weapon or other item
29. putting together an incredible feast
30. bottle canal water to sell to human rubes
31. pre-emptive strike against disliked monster type
32. spying on the mortal realm
33. establishing a checkpoint to restrict other fairies' passage
34. looking to kidnap an outsider to serve to their liege
35. preventing a troll or other regenerating creature from returning to life
36. destroying a dragon's egg before rival creatures can get to it
37. fulfilling an unwise oath to attack and dethrone another dungeon denizen
38. seeking some rube to go against the master of their enemies
39. crackdown on differing customs to enforce racial hierarchy
40. opportunistic, recreational raid for honor and glory
41. ditching unlucky dice and similar effects
42. seeking the perfect wedding gift
43. guarding a seemingly innocuous piece of trash
44. assembling the several pieces of a once-important gewgaw
45. collecting statues and busts so their wizard master can transmute them into living people
46. collecting the clothing of humans, especially uniforms
47. collecting stories
48. seeking jokes that will make the elf king laugh
49. trying to figure out what, to humans, is a common instinct, such as fear or joy
50. fleeing their reflection
61. seeking prophecies regarding the one destined to slay their master
62. studying the dungeon's architecture, furnishings, or inhabitants
63. interrogating a kidnapped human
64. figuring out what this weird key goes to
65. trying one of their members for a nonsensical crime
66. advising a human on their personal dilemma
67. teaching unwise and dangerous magic
68. redacting mentions of their master in histories and folklore
69. learning how to remove a wasting curse that afflicts their master
70. charting the area for later kastromantic rituals
71. collecting pelts, a task given by their master to waste their time
72. domesticating unintelligent dungeon creatures
73. teaching birds to carry messages
74. throwing the best party ever seen to impress their various objects of affection
75. learning to ride and battle-training monsters
76. harvesting venom
77. hunting the unicorn
78. forming perverse animal hybrids
79. maintaining a herd of livestock for profane rituals
80. dreaming up a night-mare for their death-knight commander to ride
81. proselytizing for a fairy sage who styles himself an immortal saint
82. observing a pilgrimage, with stations and rituals that seem made up in the moment
83. purifying themselves for the next step of the Great Work
84. punishing a transgressing outsider severely
85. chasing down or cutting off a fugitive that possesses an important relic
86. destroying the icon of an unfavored faith
87. serving a dragon for a century and a day, to enlarge their own honor
88. tracking down coins stolen from a mummy's tomb
89. fearfully allowing themselves to be "reborn" as undead
90. getting a human to sort out once and for all what's right and wrong about this "religion" thing
91. establishing a network of mushroom circles that will allow their immaterial lord to manifest
92. following hints found in old scrolls leading to a major cursed item
93. trying to find a djinni's lamp.
94. attempting to please a godparent
95. carefully observing the steps prescribed by a treasure map
96. seeking the cure to a deadly affliction
97. stealing a dragon's young
98. tracking down a spellbook
99. consulting, then silencing, sages regarding the means a being thrown outside of time may return
100. telling chaotic beings to be patient and keep the faith, for the queen shall soon be among us

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