Anomalous Media

 Okay, here's what I managed to find in my neighborhood. (See here, here, here, here, and here.)

1. The Chrioniad
An ancient epic in the Homeric style, dated to shortly after the Illiad. Describes the end of the Trojan War picking up from the burial of Hector. Most of the piece describes three battles in intricate detail, in which ten of the gods and several of the mortal characters are slain. Zeus survives and takes on the name Elos, and appoints the Trojan prince Abramon as the king of Troy after he sacrifices his son and thirteen bulls to Zeus. 

2. Appendix N Draft
An in-house draft of the appendices section of the original Dungeon Master's Guide, recovered in an office once run by TSR. The draft is typed onto loose sheets of hole-punched paper, with frequent editing notes in pencil. Most of the notes center around the first appendix, dedicated to a rather technical and rote dungeon generation procedure. There are two notes in Appendix N, "Inspirational and Educational Reading." The first, circling "Unaussprechlichen Kulten," reads "good joke, Gary." The second, circling a title and author now redacted, reads "This is NOT. We agreed not to even talk about this junk!!" The final appendix, listing different types of calendars and clocks, has a note recommending its total deletion.

3. Rumpelstiltskin
A low-quality video file, filmed on a handheld camera. The camera operator is filming a televison, showing sections of a independent horror film titled 'Rumpelstiltskin." The scene shown in an interview with the Rumpelstiltskin character, giving a rant that puts one in mind of Tyler Durden or 2019's Joker film. Sneering and breathing heavily, the camera operator carries the camera out of the living room which contains the television, climbing a carpeted staircase and opening a door to a bedroom. We see a man waking in his bed who resembles the interviewer in the film, obvious surprised. The operator begins to scream, which is quickly cut off as the camera is turned off.

4. Rayy Tablet
A partial fragment of the Epic of Gilgamesh, describing the offenses of Gilgamesh as king before meeting Enkidu. In addition to wanton violence, he is described as having profaned a temple to Enlil with insufficient sacrifices (because they were crippled?), introspecting (?), waging war on the people "above" Ur and taking one of their "thirds" (?) as a wife. This tablet is the oldest version of the epic yet uncovered, dated to 3000 BCE.

5. Flight Footage
A silent, short clip taken on an early cell phone showing the view from an airplane window. The plane is sharply descending, and in the final frames is shown to collide with what is recognizably the US Capitol Building. 

6. FIVE AMAZING SHAPES (THE LAST WILL DRIVE YOU IN$ANE)
A Youtube video, twelve years old, will a little over 100,000 views. Features three disembodied voices discussing geometry and four-dimensional shapes, with frequent diversions and corny jokes. Despite explaining that it is impossible for humans to visualize four-dimensional shapes, the voices narrate as simple computer-generated graphics depict a series of such shapes, beginning with a hypercube. Despite the title and the inexplicable depictions, no viewer has exhibited any sign of serious harm from watching the video.

7. Magic Trix
Several shots of two boys, apparently related, performing minor illusions. Only one appears at a time, and the film seems to be shot in and around a small home in the mid-2000's. About two minutes into the seven minute video, the older boy declares "This magic is for babies. Let's see what a real wizard can do!" This leads into a section where slightly more advanced illusions, including those which can only be accomplished with simple video editing, take place. When the older boy performs a trick in this section, the camera notably shakes. When the younger boy performs a trick, he appears obviously reluctant, and the flourish is accompanied by full-body shivers. In one take, blood runs from his nose and he starts to ask the other boy a question-- "Can we please--"

8. Miranda
A complete manuscript of a novel discovered in the writing desk of a recently deceased Virginian politician in 1800. In an epistolary framing narrative, a classical scholar describes how he came to uncover an ancient account of a woman who lived in poverty during the time of the Roman Republic. Descriptions of the marble-shrined city in which she lives have been interpreted by a constitutional scholar as the inspiration for many of the landmarks and features of Washington, D.C.

9. Scan for Anomaly
An audio file of the 1969 moon landing on a collection of cassette tapes. When Armstrong or Aldrin speak while on the moon's surface, the soft sound of singing voices can be heard. The song performed has been identified as an adhan. There is a period of 40 seconds of silence shortly after Armstrong's famous "one small step" line.

10. Police Report: Forced Entry as St. John's Lodge 117
Records from the Hartford Police Department regarding an incident in November, 1976. The report includes a photograph of intricately painted letters on a wood-paneled wall: "BLAKE WAS FORTHRIGHT IN ALL HIS WRITINGS." In the report, Detective Alan Davis reports an alleged break-in of the Masonic Lodge by reporter Dierdre McOwens. She claims to have taken the photograph. Members of the lodge claim that she graffitied the message on their wall and that she has threatened them in the past.

GLoG Class: the Godchild

    (Note: this is an expansion on notes by our beloved Deus. The formatting, idea, and much of the text is theirs. Other ideas were contributed to them by the likes of Vayra, Xenophon of Athens, purplecthulhu, and rtx.)

    ONCE upon a time, there lived a man who had a son—a lazy, stupid boy who would never do anything he was told... 

    ONCE upon a time, there lived a King and Queen whose children had all died, until only one little daughter remained...

    ONCE upon a time, there was a peasant whose wife died, leaving him with two children— twins— a boy and a girl...

    ONCE upon a time, at the town of Senna on the banks of the Zambesi, was born a child. He was not like other children, for over his shoulder he carried a big sack, and in his hand an iron hammer. He could also speak like a grown man, but he was usually very silent...

    ONCE upon a time, what happened did happen, and if it had not happened this story would never have been told...

Class: Godchild

    You are a normal person in every way, Your godparent, however, is something weird. After being turned out of your home (or orphaned) you have taken to the road.
    A godchild can use light armor and shields and never fumbles while using bows, slings, clubs, hatchets, knives, named swords or anything you took off the body of a dead giant.

    Your godparent will offer you the best advantages they can, though beyond that you will have to manage as best you can.

Kens (d3): 1. Shepherding 2. War 3. Ingratiating yourself to authority. 

Starting Items: sturdy traveling clothes, three days of food in a sack, a hatchet, and one Thing to Remember Your Parents by.

• A: Godparent
• B+: go find a real job

Godparent
    Your parents, desperately poor, selected a godparent who seemed to offer you the most potential for advancement. Roll on the following table to determine your godparent, and then roll on their subtable at every level:

1. The Moon
   Beautiful, friend to nightingales. Her gifts recharge at dusk.
   
   1. Summon a +1 shield of perfectly reflective silver to hand with a word.
   2. Learn the language of the songbirds; they will be your everlasting friends.
   3. Conjure a glowing silver javelin dealing 3d6 damage and pinning its target to the ground.
   4. Sing with the voice of an angel (creatures of your choice must Save vs Charm).

   

   Benedick Bana

2. The Sun
   Handsome, friend to eagles. His gifts recharge at dawn
   
   1. Clap your hands and glow with six seconds of sunlight.
      
   2. A great raptor delivers a gold-buff-coat. Anyone who wears it is recognized as an honorary deva in the war against Evil. Tell one person you are here to vindicate them and they'll believe you (no save.)
      
   3. Once, borrow your godfather's chariot to transport yourself, your twenty closest friends, and a caravan of supplies to any point on Earth. You won't get a second chance until you do the Sun a major favor.
   4. Call out to your godfather and small fires will fall down onto any place you request, for up to an hour.
   
   
3. The Rain
   Tired, and the oldest of any on this list. Its powers are constant. In normal climates, it has a 1-in-4 chance of raining in a hex that contains you, +1 for each template past the first.
   
   1. Simple cap. Wearing it backwards summons a terrible storm.
   2. Water always runs towards whatever you're looking for.
   3. Water seals and numbs your wounds. Also, your gear works perfectly in the damp.
   4. A small vial of replenishing water. Tastes like honey and petrichor, and heals 1 HP, but not more than once per set of injuries.

   

   宋 跃然

4. The Ocean
   Flashing eyes, sudden rages. She has an uneven soul. Her powers are inconstant, recharging on a 2-in-6 chance every time you sleep.
   
   1. +1 Orichalcum trident. Discharge its power to double the weight of a foe's armor and weapons upon a failed hit.
   2. Call an allied creature from the deep that will burst in 1d6 hours due to pressure: (1d4) 1. whale, 2. anglerfish, 3. giant man-o-war, 4. giant squid.
   3. Shout a message into any body of water and the next time your intended recipient is by water, they will hear you and be able to dictate a reply.
   4. Algae-coated chest containing 750 doubloons and jewelry worth 250 gold. This is booty freshly freed from one of the many bloody wars fought under the waves. (Does not provide XP in systems where that would be a concern.)
   
   
5. The Winter
   He laughs but his sense of humor is cruel. Each gift is imparted with a cold touch.
   1. You freeze solid, and no longer require heat or water. Touching you is painful (+1 damage for unarmed attacks), and bodies of water freeze before you can sink into them.
   2. By scowling at a tomb or building, you chill its halls. After an hour of staring, it becomes unbearably cold inside without precautions.
   3. Box of matchsticks. People and surroundings are distorted by the match-light, made to resemble something comforting to the viewer. Once you run out of matches, your godfather will replace the box— he's got like a hundred.
   4. Your heart is cold and cruel. Make an Offhand Remark to someone to cause them to despise you and 1d4-1 other people of your choice. Lasts until your next Offhand Remark.
   
   
6. The Devil
   Very busy these days. Each gift comes with a case of cigars as lagniappe. Beware! Lost gifts are never replaced.
   1. Velvet coin-purse. Contains an endless amount of red-gold coins. If anyone learns where they came from, every coin will turn to ash and the bag will melt to nothingness.
   2. Your godfather takes time out of his schedule to teach you how to summon hellfire with a whistle, (1d6 damage, spreads quickly,) but only if you promise never to extinguish a fire again. He'll hold you to it.
   3. A soul. They must obey your commands six days a week but can only briefly turn corporeal. They are one of the victims of a previous deal with the devil, innocent and plucky.
   4. Fraying burlap sack, just big enough to fit a squirming adult inside. Anything within cannot escape.

   

   Jakub Ruzalski
   

7. A Witch
   Just a local one.
   1. Your godmother has taught you a curse. When you glare at someone with the evil eye they get -1 to everything, forever. It doesn't stack. She didn't teach you how to break it.
      
   2. You get a pair of golden scissors, styled after bird wings. If you snip the scissors while looking at someone, they get nasty cuts.
   3. You get a small whistle. If you blow it, then your Godmother's familiar will creep out of the nearest dark corner, to answer one question or give one piece of advice in her voice. She won't like it if you do this too much...
   4. In a terrifying dream, you are shown the route to a bacchic castle in the borders of Imagination and Hell. You and those you guide can slip between this place and the waking world, but it is dangerous to spend more than a few hours here and you can only return to where you started.
   
   
8. Death
   No one ever asked him to be a godfather before.
   1. Glass goblet. When you look at a dying person through the goblet, you can see Death at their head (meaning that they are doomed) or at their feet (meaning they will live). Mechanically, roll to stabilize them immediately with a +2 bonus. Succeed or fail, their fate is set.
   2. Death shows up, buzzed and bumbling, and asks you to name anyone who is currently dead. He will gift you the skull of this historical figure, who will answer any questions you have on your journeys.
   3. As long as you are underground, you can speak with the deceased.
   4. Gilded misericorde. Anyone stabbed with it dies, but only while it is still in them. After it is removed, any damage dealt since it was inserted is undone.

   

   "The Frogs", Broadway 2004
   

9. King of Lions
   Proud and warlike. His gifts recharge when you have a meat-based meal.
   1. Skin of a lion who sought to depose your godfather. Negates the first five slashes and cuts it receives before needing to be recharged.
   2. Day spent hunting with your uncle the king. Return with a belly full of meat, a chin dripping with blood, and invisibility while in undergrowth, as long as you move no faster than a crawl.
   3. Charm foes you've bested in physical challenge. Lasts until they see you in an embarrassing situation.
   4. Necklace with witch teeth, claimed from your godfather's foe. When you receive a permanent injury or dismemberment, turns it into merely an impressive scar. Works once before needing to be recharged.
   
   
10. Queen of Bees
    Warlike and proud. Her gifts recharge when you have a plant- or sugar-based meal.
    1. Command a group of unnamed folk with irresistible presumption. "Unnamed" means anyone the GM has not named by the time you command them. 
    2. Retainer, a squire named Allan(druzzizm). He was once a bee knight, now made human to serve you. Loyal, but has no understanding of the humanoid world. Quixotic. Stats as a warrior of your Godchild level.
    3. Orb of wax, 2", that contains a bee princess. She can create a discrete hive in the course of an hour and relay you information on what happens in the area. A new princess enters the wax orb when your gifts recharge.
    4. Claim dominion over a small area (about three large rooms, or an acre of undeveloped land.) Mortals and beasts will recognize the area as yours until you next use this ability.
    
    
11. Father of the Forest
    The oldest, tallest tree. Gifts are constant, never flashy.
    1. Hard, sticky mark on the back of your hand. Entitles you to travel unmolested by animals, or by creatures who fear your godfather. As persuasive as a permission slip.
    2. Yew branch, offered by one of your godfather's closest friends. Its sharpened point ignores manufactured armor. Its reassuring bend eases long hikes.
    3. Walk with the unbothered air of a hermit. Your journeys never seem to take any longer than would be predicted, no matter the misfortunes you encounter.
    4. Detritivores become your best friend, as they are to any tree. They have learned some of your language, can devour an organic item in ten minutes, and know where all the bodies are buried. It's a good bet they're around at any given time.
    
    
12. Bored Fairy
    This seemed like an interesting diversion for a century or two — how long do humans live, exactly?
    1. A tin of three old biscuits. If someone accepts one offered as a gift, they will grant your their most prized possession.
    2. Call out to your godmother, and she'll turn an animal you've been taking care of for at least a day into a humanoid, (deeply confusing it.)
    3. One of many shards from an ancient mirror. When looking through it, you see past any illusions, including friendship and honor.
    4. A lead on an desirable bachelor(ette) and a scheme to win their hand. If you are already in a relationship, the gift is instead an infant, with the ability to see the true nature of things.

    

    Marc Simonetti
    

13. Old Dragon
    Godchildren are, perhaps, another form of treasure. After you grow to self-sufficiency, its love must be bought. More smoke than fire
    1. 1d4+1 goldbugs, friendly to you and all who share your blood. "To guard your hoard."
    2. A cadet branch of its cult, including 1d6 champions, 2d6 priests, and 4d10 followers. Deluded, vain, more trouble than they're worth, but will follow orders as long as they think your godparent will punish them otherwise.
    3. Exquisite pheasant-tail headdress that twitches in the presence of magic. If you sleep on a magic item while wearing the headdress, learn the item's primary function.
    4. SMALL UNAPPEALING THING, the gaudy sword of an old "dragonslayer." Cuts holes through fire big enough to lead a cart through.

Things to Remember Your Parents By

1. Belt made from ten feet of old rope
2. Cameo, your father's wedding gift
3. Ashes of your stillborn elder sister
4. Collection of old devotionals
5. Book of fairy tales with the best pages torn out
6. Scabbard for the lost family sword
7. Deed to grandpa's old farm, precise location unknown
8. Scar on your arm where the wolves nicked you
9. Comb with oxidated silver embellishments
10. Tea pot, perfectly preserved
11. Old family motto that people in power all seem to know
12. Memories of a lullaby
13. Set of rules, as bizarrely specific as they are applicable to your current situation
14. Old red key. Each truly important lock it is tried in has a 1-in-3 chance of being its mate
15. Journal, half-filled with ciphered text
16. Head of a parent's spear, haftless
17. Origami bird
18. Flimsy wand. You haven't figured out how to use it
19. Sling and ten bits of rubble for slingstones
20. Scrollcase, locked, and a key you are pathologically unable to insert into the lock.

Ten Starting Towns

There is a classic dungeoneering set-up that is "dungeon-forward." In such games, the party doesn't spend too much time outside of the dungeon that the players have come together to play. They rest up, maybe buy some supplies, and return to their delve. I find it to be a waste, not least of which because I suspect injecting character into the surrounding society near the dungeon can add a lot to the experience while taking up very little time or effort. 

To facilitate this, I will sketch out ten simple themes to throw over the town outside the dungeon. They will all change things slightly, but shall be deliberately vague and without obvious hooks to distract the party.

1. Bullywug Village
A marshy collection of stilted wooden hovels, kept dry and clean by the ingenuity of the frogfolk who live here. Only the first floor of the tavern is built to accommodate human-sized guests, and a premium is placed on dry goods. A fermented paste from lightning bugs (or will-o-the-wisps) are the standard local light source, preferred to tempermental lanterns and unshielded torches.

2. Skeleton Settlement
The normal, generic town, just without any flesh. Inhabitants are cheerful if sometimes cruel, and leery of holy symbols. The visionary director will interrogate survivors whenever a member of the party dies, and the following week will arrange a musical performance based on the event.

3. Fort on the Borderlands
Everyone's problematic fave? Suspicious folk overcoming an environment they are poorly adapted to through militarism and frequent reinforcement. Will pay through the nose for reliable maps and guides. Has a very different feel depending on whether the party belongs to the same culture group as the fort's captains or the people they are fortified against.

4. Refuge of Refugees
A once-prosperous town that has emptied its treasury to aid displaced populations fleeing dark lords, elemental catastrophes, or The Wizard. Frequent shortages on common goods, but willing buyers for useful treasures abound. Mercy and desperation is on open display.

5. Foreign Port
A coastal, cosmopolitan city that serves as a point of entry for all who would visit the country from afar. Tolerance born from constant and baffling difference. Jeweled and cursed artifacts available to anyone who flashes enough coin. Everything overseen by the domestic guards who make more with every blood-red cent poured in from abroad.

6. Benighted Hamlet
A small thorp with tall walls. The people are afraid, but the danger is not coming from outside. The baroness is eating all the young girls who might become more beautiful than her, or the duke's son is a werewolf and anyone who says so is thrown in prison, or a gang of mirror merchants replace anyone who challenges them. The party may want to stop this, but right now injustice is the status quo, and there's no good lever to change that. Maybe there's the glimmer of a hope at the end of the nearest dungeon.

7. Chivalric Chapterhouse
ha-HA! This "town" is little more than the attendant organs to an order of knights, allegedly just and full-fare. Expect jousting drills, calls for ale, and frequent challenges from giants and other weirdos.

8. Court of Idyll
The sprawling and fertile grounds of a faerie court, with its gremlin, half-elf, and beggar retainers. Abstract currencies, like songs and memories. Addictive fruit. Chivalry that would make King Arthur say enough is enough. Parties of adventurers are advised to stay on the margins or get ready for strange demands.

9. Industrial Waystation
Everyone is coughing and the weather's always bad. Few people come through here, save the caravans carrying raw materials and the deliveries of advanced materiel. Neglected but necessary to some nation-spanning machine. Is it any wonder that these people must turn to strangers to solve their problems? 

10. Plains Meeting Point
A semi-permanently inhabited city, which all nations visit every few years to trade, marry, and learn from each other. Despite disparate tongues, all can make themselves clear in a sign language using their hands, mouth, and feet. There is even less standardization of lengths, weights, and makes than in your usual fantasy world, so everyone makes sure to test things for their fit before they commit to buying them.

GLoG Class: Dungeoneer

To round out GLoG week, here is a class emulating those intrepid heroes and heroines who braved the ever-changing hallways of the dungeon master Tregard in British 80's show "Knightmare."

Class: Dungeoneer (start with a blinding helmet, presentable attire, a satchel for food, and exactly two other random items)

            A: Food for Energy, Helmet of Justice

B: Clue Room

            C: Spellcasting

D: Quest item, Silver Spurs of Squiredom

Food for Energy: Get +1 HP when you eat something you find in a dungeon or other dangerous location. You can use this ability multiple times per day, but each instance must be more gross or more dangerous than the last.

Helmet of Justice: While wearing a closed helmet or similar, you can see as though in dim light. Attacks that specifically target your head or eyesight fail. This is the uniform of the Dungeoneer, and everyone will expect you to talk to them like they’re NPCs.

Clue Room: when searching for things secret or hidden, you may declare “I challenge!” If there is indeed something hidden in that area part of the architecture will come alive and ask you up to three riddles.            - If you solve all three, what is hidden will be revealed and the dungeon will offer advice.

           - If you solve two, what is hidden will be revealed.

           - If you solve one, You will receive a clue and the DM will roll a random encounter check.

           - If you solve none, the dungeon attempts to eat you.

Spellcasting: Once per dungeon level per day, spell a simple word to cast a spell with a number of MD equal to your level. The DM will interpret the actual effect in a straightforward way. It lasts for up to an hour or until you misspell the original word.

Quest Item: Advance immediately to this level if you successfully recover an important magical item for which you have been questing.

Silver Spurs of Squiredom: see perfectly regardless of what’s on your head, parry damage to adjacent allies by 1d12, take minimum damage from classic dungeon traps. You also get a little silver plaque worth 1 gp, entitling you to start leveling up as a knight.

GLoG Week: Traes Sidhe

 I was dared by nyandromeda to "write a short faction that you would find in the irish fairy world," and by gum, I am bound by dares. I don't really understant all the intricacies of the milleau, but I'll do my best.

So, you know the succession of peoples who settled this fair isle? The giants, followed by dog-headed folk, followed by various tribes? Well, in the same way that Camelot was established by the rightful heirs to the Roman Empire, so too can the current regimes of the fair isle hearken back to Troy, or as it is called in their own tongue, Traes.

But there were two migrations from Troy. The first was by boat and the other an ill-fated trek through Faerie. What was intended as one expedition was fractured when the two princes leading it fell to rivalry following a hunting trip.

The Traes Sidhe are those who undertook the expedition through Faerie. They are not lost, but they are trapped, unable to fully live on the fair isle. For they have become as spirits themselves, bound by strange rules and obligations, ever banished. By now the expedition boasts many heroes and saints of our history, many still living where most folk never see.

The average traveler may see a Traes Sidhe, but in many parts of our fair isle they are more likely to encounter their mortal bondsmen. For in churchyards and in moots, mortals make simple pacts with the Traes Sidhe, who enjoy an uncomplicated good reputation compared to other spirits. The expedition offers protection, benedictions, and spells in exchange for acts of small devotion, which they claim will eventually allow them to cross over to the isle at last.

These ancient folk are not evil and not particularly cruel. Nevertheless, most other authorities distrust and oppose them when they can do so without atrocity. The church fears the nature of the worship these spirits receive, even if some are sainted. And rulers fear the arrival of powerful, immortal warriors armed with ancient techniques and adaption to survive in the realm of Faerie.