His Ghastly Song, No Chant of Victory (Two Monsters, Four Areas)

Part of the bandwagon started by Louis and Loch. Use this generator, and make 1d2 monsters in a 1d4+1 area dungeon. 
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I hear that great town Sekahii was wiped off the map, torn down by the fire of the gods. Guess nothing's certain in this bitch age. I'd avoid that cursed place myself, but there are those who would love to know what became of their loved ones, and others who wonder if anything of value survived.

"The only thing strange was that nothing was missing, except all the people."

Sekahii

Ash and fresh stone covers almost everything. Wind has started to reveal the roofs of buildings and the tops of the city walls— those defenses which once repulsed the Tribes of Gale, and which you now step over. In the center of town, the high walls of the temple reach out like a drowning man's hand, and closer, as though grinding against the city wall, is a strange tower, the ash dunes sinking down and leaving the space around it clear. Beyond the town, the fresh-faced Mount Pertumum stares down like a hung-over horse.

• Tower: The Thief's Tower is trying to escape the city but finding itself penned in by the city walls. It has resorted to eating ash. This specimen is four stories tall, with windows on all but the top floor.
• Each floor is decorated with stolen tables and chairs. On the third floor, fine silverware (500 gp)  and a tapestry (1000 gp) hang, saliva having cleaned away any ash that would mar them. On the ground floor, a collection of pottery, jewelry, and hasty sketches (60 gp) lies in rows, the desperate offerings of refugees who tried to escape the eruption into the Thief's Tower.
• Temple: Half-rubble, many ash-stains that once were people. A godstone gilded with gore.
• One ash-stain clutches a set of tablets, a half completed Monster Manual. Experts will recognize this work as a draft by the famed naturalist Tutiksus, literally priceless now that he has passed away. The tablets have information on six "monstros", which range anywhere from an elf to a merchant to a beholder. A player can declare that some creature they encounter is one of the ones described, and consult the tablets about its weaknesses, capabilities, or how to get on its good side. The tablets have a 50% chance of giving specific, correct information and a 50% chance of giving specific, incorrect information.
• Tunnel: Poking out of the mountain, a new, smooth tunnel leads down to the heart of the rock. Here lairs the Aasales, so fumes roll out of the tunnel as she scans for prey.
• Volcano Shrine: Once accessed by a narrow path now-ruined. Now connected to the Aasales's tunnel(, a miracle ordained by the Earth god to ensure people could still worship him.) The shrine of worked iron has been defaced by graffiti— "Tefurus has a long-ass schlong. The Earth God's Schlong is soft and mediocre". There is an ash stain before the altar. If the graffiti is somehow cleared away, the Earth God will bless the suppliant, giving them immunity to lung-based diseases and the ability to safely run over lava and magma.

Bestiary

Thief's Tower

+8 Door (engulf), +4 Stomach quills 1d8. Moves 1 foot/day.

Keystone HD 3, unarmored.

- Furnace Metabolism: It gives off a pleasant aroma, like cooking meat. The result of its alien physiology, it entices victims. On a negative reaction roll, those within 100' must save or try to enter through a door or window.

- Engulf: Those who hesitate to enter outside the door of the Thief's Tower will find it splits in half hamburger-style to swallow them. Save or be swallowed. The door-mouth can be battered down as any stuck door, but see Quills below.

- Leveled Stomach: Though the exterior roughly resembles a constructed stone tower, the inside is clearly a thing of flesh. A Thief's Tower will have 1d4+2 levels, each a stomach chamber lined with walls of undulating quills, bony floors, and cartilaginous, ropy ladders ascending and descending.

- Symbiosis: The Tower will protect those who beautify and enrich it. Bringing in furniture or draping treasure about can give you a well-guarded hideout, the source of the creature's moniker.

- Quills: The quills can carefully push objects around the room, or strike at prey. Each round, it may attack as many targets as it can perceive, and will lunge out of hunger, or to punish those who try to damage it, who try to steal its treasure. The Tower has no vision. It uses its quills to feel and hidden ears to hear what happens within it.

- Keystone: On one floor is the heart-brain of the Tower, resembling an undulating piece of soapstone with veins connecting it to the cartilage and bone. The level that contains the keystone lacks windows.Damaging the keystone, in addition to incurring quill attacks, causes the tower to shrivel up like a juicebox. Save or be thrown off your feet as the tower tilts and wilts wildly, falling prone into a wall and either taking 1d6 damage or losing your next turn (your choice)

Also called a Witch's Tower or Gardinel D'Bologna, the Thief's Tower is a giant cylindrical creature with an eel-smooth, chitin-hard skin. In early spring, it appears in urban areas, the sorts of Gygaxian cities with encounter tables loaded up with vampires and wraiths. Bandits and other monstrous humanoids frequently take advantage of its refuge, and local lords are often slow to address the arrival of a Thief's Tower, as the law usually states that those who slay one are entitled to its treasures, and it's tempting to let it accumulate some booty before you fell it. 

Aasales

HD 6, Unarmored, claw 1d6/claw 1d6/proboscis (see below). Fast as a starving catamount.

- Fume Cloud: constantly giving off black and neon-green volcanic fumes, giving her cover (+4 AC) vs ranged attacks. Breathing the fumes is unpleasant and painful. After an encounter with the Aasales, anyone exposed without PPE has a [round of exposure]-in-10 chance of contracting (and I swear I'm not going out of my way to shoehorn this in) Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Each day, a victim must save or reduce their dexterity by 1. If reduced to zero, their lungs turn to lava.

- Proboscis: After making her claw attacks, the Aasales can grab someone she hit and jab them with her sucking muzzle. Do however you do a grapple contest in your game, and if the Aasales wins she drains 1d4 HP from its target. An Aasales who has drained at least 5 HP in the past week is no longer slavering, and has a +1 to reactions and a -2 to morale.

- Parched: She swims through fire like water and water burns her like fire. Must test morale to attack a soaked person or cross over wet ground.

A ravenous cthonic predator. From the fiery forge that makes the world over and anew again, deep below the surface. She resembles nothing so much as a lioness or mountain cat, with a sharp, eversible needle-face and crunchy, chalky fur. Naturalists value her organs, as they are said to animate desiccated or mummified remains if sewn into them. Monks believe she is a metaphor for the fantasy covenant of their religion.

The King With a Thousand Daughters (Location: Valemon and Tureshol)

Introduction

This is a brief adventure scenario with more of the extreme emotion and zazz that I felt was missing from my previous dungeon. It's also a small experience in mingling keyed areas-- like the last one, this one is roughly twenty areas. Unlike the last one, the areas are divided between dungeon chambers, town features, and surrounding environs.

Timeline

• For the past ten years: King Osgood has ruled Valemon, keeping it neutral in the raids and wars of neighboring city-states and danelaws.
• Five years ago: a clan of gnoles began camping in the ruins on Tureshol, paying rent to Osgood.
• Three months ago: a general truce in the land makes Osgood's arrangement with the gnoles tense. The elf Quirinia approaches him, asking to lead an expedition to drive the gnoles out and retake the structure while the majority of their raiders are abroad. The king waffles.
• One month ago: The king's daughter Mary leads a group of friends on Quirinia's mission, where they discover a magic mirror which duplicates them and switches places with their copies. The doubles, thinking they are the original conquistadors, start using the mirror over and over to imprison new copies and take their stuff. They deputize the gnoles.
• Three weeks ago: As far as anyone in town knows, the princess is missing and the gnoles have turned bandit. Everything is in disarray, and the common folk are beginning to suspect dopplegangers and street conjurers making false coins and stealing faces.

Mary's Party

1. Princess Mary of Valemon (fighter 2) Daughter of King Osgood. Overconfident and charming. Wields the sword Chardonnay, a +1 arming sword that can lock any door 1/day.
2. Vicar Conan (cleric 2) Chaplain and confessor to Mary. Friendly and airheaded. Carries a gilded purse with the Heart of Saint Ismay, which can cast Sanctuary 1/day and a geas to abide by one's oath 1/week. For complex soteriological reasons, Conan's god would love to cease empowering the clones of Conan, but to do that the deity would have to defrock the original, who hasn't erred enough to justify it. Tragically, the many duplicating hearts of Ismay torment her more and more in Fantasy Heaven, and the purses have begun to bleed and whimper. Knows the spells Detect Magic and Protection from Evil.
3. Landrada (barbarian 3) Exiled from foreign parts for concealing a couple murders, she has enjoyed the hospitality of a string of nobles for the past six months. Rough and impolitic. She carries a Poultice of Healing (1d4 hp, two doses left) and the Ring of Gest, which grows three mundane rings (worth 1 GP) each day.
4. Quirinia (elf 1) Hedonistic but distant, she was stranded in these lands a century ago when King Arathur Elassar defeated the Fantasy elf Roman Empire and sent their quastors and caesars away. Proposed "reclaiming" Turishol to King Osgood, who hesitated too long, and so Quirinia convinced Mary to lead an expedition. Carries a Scroll of Clairvoyance she found in the tower. Knows the spell magic missile.
5. Elinor (thief 2) The naive daughter of one of Osgood's supporters, she has responded to the ennui of entering into adulthood by deciding to live her life like she stole it. Wears the Torc of Charisma +1
6. Beatrix/Ingibjorg (gnole) A gnole they encountered in the tower and inexplicably decided to adopt. Properly named Ingibjorg, but the Valemonters found it hard to pronounce so they told her she was named Beatrix now. Thrilled to be here, guys!

Activity

The party has cowed and cajoled the gnoles into acting as their lackeys, and imprisoned the "clones" (actually the originals and every previous clone) in the bottom of the dungeon. The city fears and hates them, though it is not yet commonly known who they are. Their grindset:

• Duplicate Mary's magic sword to make a world-shattering army.
• Duplicate Conan's relic and Ladrada's poultice for their powers.
• Duplicate Landrada's ring a bunch of times to get rich fast.
• Stack as many copies of Elinor's torc onto the same person as possible. At 24+ Charisma, those with less than 13 wisdom save or are charmed. At 30+ Charisma, those who see the wearer save or are stunned for 1 Turn.

Da Gnoles

• Hoss Olaf (gnole 1) husband of the Värdinna of the clan, Aud Lodleggr. Wields his wife's metal nunchaku. Not respected in his own right, but speaks in her stead while she leads raiders abroad. Led by Mary's group to turn bandit against Valemon, he worries that he has spelled his clan's doom. He's probably correct.
• Everyone else (gnole 2) is happy to go with the flow. They're not worriers, and anyway Aud should be back soon to pull our bacon from the fire.
• Aud's (gnole 3) Expedition isn't coming anytime soon. The last raid went poorly, and she's been captured by some foreign margrave, her warriors sent to the mines. She does not feature in this adventure.

The City

• King Osgood (thief 1) seeks to find his daughter, and figure out who's duplicating his family's sword.
• The people are pissed! What in the numerable hells is going on? Damn wizards and face-elves and humanoids. Where's our princess? Who's going to do something?

The Prisoners

• Real Conan has convinced many of the clones that he really is an original, and they have united around him.
• Real Mary, Real Elinor, and Real Beatrix have not distinguished themselves from their duplicates.
• Real Quirinia has escaped, wandering half-mad northeast of Valemon
• Real Landrada is dead, too hard to control.
• Of the Clones, most are Beatrix or Mary. There are very few Landradas (too defiant) or Quirinias (too magic).

d4 Random Encounters

1. 1d2 adventurers and 1d4 gnoles, all with Chardonnays

2. 1d6 gnoles (-2 MOR when not supervised by an adventurer) with Chardonnays

3. 1d3 Escaped clones

4. Angry mob (1d10+10 burghers with torches and clubs)

Kingdom of Valemon

• Valemon Town (see below)
• Due south, the river flows. Under ten feet of water, a riverboat was recently sunk after an inept hijacking attempt by a Landrada and her gang of gnoles.
• Salvagers will find two Chardonnays, a Ring of Gest and twenty-one other rings, and a couple corpses. The door to the captain's quarters is watertight, and opening it will possibly suck you in— save or take 1d4 damage and get winded. Strapped down in the captain's desk, however, is 2000 gold coins, a Free Mason ring, and a Telado Flail, made by Iberish smiths to bristle and clank in the tense air that precedes an ambush or storm, conferring the wielder immunity to surprise rounds and a +2 to saves vs. white squalls.
• West and southwest, hilly terrain has been tamed into fruitful vineyards, mostly chardonnay and seyval blanc grapes.
• North and northwest are the high mountains that feed the river running through the town. Travel is slow and little can be found there except the odd hermitage or woodcutter's cottage.
• To the northeast, marshlands predominate. Here, propitiated each year with wine and sick dancing demonstrations, lairs the green vire Gallfang. It absent-mindedly hunts a mud-covered fugitive from Tureshol, the original Quirinia.
• Due east, prosperous villages along a fine road lead out of the kingdom.
• Southeast of the town is Tureshol (see below), a series of hills where nothing good nor green will grow. Wandering monsters are found there on a roll of 1 or 2 when making encounter checks.

Valemon Town

• Palace of King Osgood: the small-yet-prosperous home of a small-but-prosperous man in a fine silk shirt and a sash over the shoulder that says "KING" on it. He is good at kinging, and knows the value of keeping everyone happy. Wants to find his daughter, not offend the gnoles too badly, and maintain his truces with all his neighbors.
• Two pubs: The Leopard and the Fruit of the Vine. A good place to get rumors.
• Everyone's on edge— at the first excuse, an angry mob will form.
• Market: weapons getting snapped up in these uncertain times.
• Sewer: An ill-maintained folly, in light of the encroaching marsh.
• The core was built in elven times, with notes and graffiti in Elvish, but beware suddenly unblocking blockages, floods, and fouled footing which may throw you into the drink; save or be fouled (-1 to all d20 rolls until clean) and make a further save vs death (if wearing medium or heavy armor) or vs getting carried out to a drain south of city, sputtering and d6 HP fewer.
• Embassy: the residence of Brian the Red, envoy of Osgood's neighbor Earl Guy. Uncreative but mustachioed. Increasingly concerned by how things are proceeding in Valemon. If he thinks you have a good shot at bringing down the temperature, will give you a crossbow with ten +1 blessed bolts "as a gesture of friendship from Earl Guy,"
• By the way, angry mobs hate Brian, Guy, and anyone they think are connected to them.

Tureshol

1. Improvised kitchen: outside the tower, an elder gnole supervises a gang of gnole cubs in the preparation of gruel for prisoners in area 5. Pilfered sacks of grain sit under makeshift tents.

At the first sign of trouble: they run off.

2. Base: Elinor (or one of the other adventurers if she's busy) guards this spartan chamber with four gnoles, explaining some aspect of the human feudal culture they're unfamiliar with. A ladder leads down into a dirt tunnel (branching to areas 3 or 4), while stairs lead further up (area 6).

3. Cairn: The resting place of the ancient gnole warrior Gunnvor Brotnskjalta. Packed in around her bier are twelve gnoles. 1d4-in-4 of them are asleep at any given time.

The body of Gunnvor (gnole 4) wears a rusted corslet shirt and clutches a +1 halberd of undiminished splendor. Careful investigation of her teeth reveal that one is a hollow fake ("Brotnskjalta" is the Gnorse word for "broken tooth") with the rune meaning "bear" carved on the back. It contains a potion of polymorph (up to 5 HD). Gunnvor stays very very still, even ignoring combat around her, and will acquiesce to polite requests, but will only part with her halberd if someone answers her questions in proper rhyming call-and-response, otherwise challenging them for it.

4. Tunnel Trap: the dirt becomes looser and shows no footprints for the last ten feet of the tunnel before coming to a staircase of worked stone (going to area 5).

Crossing over the loose dirt has a 3-in-6 chance of breaking through the dirt, depositing the victim 20 feet down in an area 5 cell. Mary's party and their duplicates are familiar with the trap, and skirt around the edges. The gnoles are instructed to reset the trap whenever it's set off.

5. Donjon: a cramped complex with a hundred cells and connecting hallways in the Elven architectural style, each elven lock still functioning perfectly. A hundred and ten duplicates and most of the original members of Mary's party are locked away here, fed near-starvation rations by sympathetic but unhelpful gnoles who visit twice a day.

Negotiation: Freeing the prisoners will lead to a frantic, instinctive rush in all directions. Anyone freed will rush to help others escape, then (d4) kill the clones currently in power, smash the mirror, use the mirror to make new clones to exploit themselves, report to king Osgood (but probably get got by an angry mob first. If the party appeals to the prisoners as a group, the Real Conan is the closest they have to a spokesman, and may (3-in-6 chance) get them to stick to a course of action.

Ghoulizers: two prisoners, a Landrada and the Real Elinor, are kept in separate cells from the rest. They are convinced that if the prisoners kill and cannibalize each other, they will be afflicted with ghoulism and empowered to fight their jailers.

6. Stairwell: Faded murals show scenes from the earliest Elven colonies, including a pact with the trees, twin elven wizards staring at each other, and humans working with elves to slay a giant and a dragon.

Pressing on the twin wizard scene: pops open a secret door to a small chamber within the stairwell, once the study of the elf wizard Snamolas. Among many expired magical ingredients, there is a scroll ordering his banishment from the Fantasy elven Roman capital, an ioun stone that gives off a weak lime green light, a potion of Hold Person (colored with ink, a trap for thieves), a jeweled handmirror (worth 1000 gold coins) and an account (in Elvish and the common tongue) of his attempt to resurrect his companion, the human wise man Oelfwine, after Snamolas's folly led to his pointless death. Powering it with his own magics, he intends to spend centuries in meditation within the mirror of his creation, gathering his failings and felony until he can invert them, turning himself into the taken saint. He warns in bold, underlined text that the mirror should be covered until then, as anyone who stares into their reflection will spend a vast amount of his painstakingly stored energy, only creating a hostile copy of themselves and "transposing their positions,"

7. Pad: 1d4 of Mary's party, hanging out and probably arguing. Mattresses and pillows cover the floor. In the middle of the room is a pile of Rings of Gest and 3000 gold rings.

In a fight: If they have forewarning, one will put on twenty Torcs of Charisma +1 and a second (if any) will wait in a corner to ambush attackers. Otherwise, they'll fight unstrategically, protecting those they love, shouting unhelpful advice to those they subtly hate, and leaving those they openly hate out to dry.

8. Shrine: roughly turned over in the process of seeking a secret door. Little murals of an elf wizard, robed man, hooded woman, and armored gnole going on adventures. The secret door (to area 9) is wide open.

9. Great Mirror of Salomans: a dusty, spartan chamber, fresh manacles ready to use piled up along the wall. In the center of the room is a heavy full-length cobalt mirror covered in script: "Let none disturb this mirror, by order of Salomans, for I sacrifice my self in service of all the world and redress of a great wrong I have done,"

Staring at yourself in the mirror: Makes a duplicate where you stood and rotates you to the other side of the room. The duplicate, polluted by the gathered selfishness of Salomans, disdains and resents you.

When someone created by the mirror dies, each object that was reflected with them dies too. It twists out of the world like an image in a spinning mirror

Holding another mirror up to the Great Mirror shows you the elf wizard Salomans himself, annoyed as hell but unable to stop what's happening.

Stone Bodies (Location: Tomb of the Orchard-Burning General)

I've been running a couple sci-fi games recently, and felt the desire to write up a classic fantasy dungeon. 

art by Angus McBride

Dungeon below, or if you prefer it as a google doc: Dungeon link here. 

This follows the format of 20-block dungeon stocking, and serves as a dungeon you could place almost anywhere without issue, though names and details may want to be changed. For more directed play, incorporate the ancient history of the dungeon with the PCs' bloodlines, or the cities and towns they hail from. Give them a special reason to want to ensure the ancient general is not unearthed, or a deep need to acquire the means of resurrection.

I'm glad I wrote this dungeon, and there's a lot I like in it : 3 but on the other hand there isn't too much of pathos here. Little of love, of extreme emotion, of true adventure, of zazz. Something to keep in mind for next time.

Stone Bodies

Background

A couple weeks ago, a group of farmers discovered that flooding had eroded the seal on a previously unknown tomb, one dug and forgotten centuries ago. None save you readers know that the following three sources contain the story of this place within them…

… The novelist Vico Da Spatatratto collected sources from folklore, opera, local sayings, and heroic narratives to write his authoritative Matter of Shordabardia. One character who looms large in the middle chapter of the book is the foreign condottiero Chleosryde, who menaces many of the demigods and spellcasters who populate the epic for a period of eight years. His downfall comes when he agrees to occupy the liberty-loving city of Ilfobordo as a colony of the Archdruidal States. Upon brutally pacifying all resistance and gaining the hatred of the local nobility, the archdruid paid the condottiero's own army to turn against him, poisoning his body and concealing the location of his tomb… 

… The records of the elven court historians tell of the arrival of a Hobgoblin warlord, the Orchard-Burning General, at the head of a vast host that set about attacking fortified cities at random, making and breaking alliances, and eventually coming to a bad end at the hand of a fated hero, Queen Justinia Elf-Friend, who erased all memory of the Orchard-Burning General from the short-lived races' official accounts… 

… Of late, orcos and yecha have fled here from the Underlands. Some tell of the chief Klaas Wreed, the warrior who set about preparing his tomb as soon as he arrived in human lands. His folly of filling up the tomb with treasures and life-restoring elixirs rather than paying out gifts to his lieutenants and elites has passed into proverbs. "As stingy as Klaas Wreed", they say of the miser, and "Don't ask Wreed what to do with that gold" they chide when someone is counting on something they're not sure to get. When his army returned without him, they did not mourn him, and they never named the foe that bested him… 

d6 Random Encounters

1. Ghostly Pronouncement— on a positive reaction roll, gives a clue in the form of a challenge or warning, on a negative, just gives frightening and vague threats.

2. 1d4 Malices (stats as 2 HD veterans) faceless conquerors and looters, the "perfect" deeds of the ancient army. When slain, disappear before your eyes. 

3. Nesting Vermin (stats as insect swarm) Rats, two-tailed snakes, beetles, exc.

4. Rival Adventuring Party from room 14

5. 2d6 zombified workers, throats slit. Addled and envious, incapable of speech but knowledgeable of layout.

6. Haunting— seals doors or throws things around or kills firelight.

art by Dyson Logos

Areas

(Note: the statues found in this dungeon are infused with the famous Ectoplasm of Curse and Grudge; if shattered, this ectoplasm lashes against the person most directly responsible, dealing 1 damage.)

1. Foyer: A once-proud gate with its copper bars pried away. Wall frescoes depict a hobgoblin general, wielding a two-handed sword and holding aloft an ornate sceptre that resembles a golden torch. His face has been scratched away.

2. Statues: Twenty glazed clay statues of hobgoblin warriors leveling their weapons northward, further into the dungeon. They wear an eclectic mix of doublets, trousers, clogs, scale coats, and animal helms, and wield straightswords, dagger-axe polearms, stringless bows, and maces.

• The door further north is stuck, its frame askew. 2-in-6 chance per turn of opening it.

3. Damaged: Another twenty clay warriors facing north. Along the southeast and east, the roof has partially collapsed through the floor, and movement is treacherous.

• Among the rubble: a tomb-robber's scroll, recording how the Orchard-Burning General punished those who failed him, including burning an unsuccessful captain alive, scarring the hands of a company that failed to take a town, and revoking the pensions of his bodyguards when an elven assassin almost killed him. The writer notes that the goblinoid mind must be especially loyal to follow such a brutal master.
• A gash against the eastern wall: half-filled with debris, leads down into the foundations. See area 19 (Calamity).

4. Park: Cavern carved to seem natural, with artfully placed boulders and raked sand. Miniature windmills dotted artfully through the room sport decorative fans. In the center, four Malices guard a corpse upon a bier like holes scorched into a pleasant painting. A vast mural in the north wall shows a pleasant scene of a cottage in a field of flowers.

• The bier: holds the earthly remains of Klaas Wreed, the Orchard-Burning General. He wears a bright red-and-blue silk coat and patinated bronze chestplate inlaid with a winter scene, finery worth 1000 gold coins. Removing the scarf from his neck shows that his throat was cut to the bone. His right arm clutches a five-foot-long sword, and his left shows signs that something was pried out of it.
• Tagliaboshi, a two-handed chopping sword so fine, it bought clemency for the town of Invernotore. Its fine workmanship gives +1 to hit and damage. Optimized for splitting pikes, if your game has rules for reach weapons the wielder counts as having reach beyond theirs for attacking wielders of such weapons.
• Inspecting the mural: the painted door of the cottage is an actual door, opening to reveal a narrow passage to area 6.

5. SW: This simple sunwell is a smooth shaft leading up to the surface. Rungs in the side lead up to a simple trapdoor.

• Climbing the rungs: Some will break when weight is put on them. Save or fall 20 feet.
• Opening the trapdoor: about four feet of earth immediately fall through the sunwell (take 1d6 damage and save or fall), but natural light will fall through, illuminating the entire park during midday. Zombified workers and Malices fear the clarifying rays of daylight.

6. Concubine: Chamber decked in bright fabrics— dandelion yellow, royal purple, lime green, bold magenta, anything but red or blue— and heavy with the scent of incense. Laid into a padded box is a skeleton and a mummified iguana.

• In the box: The iguana is animate, the former pet of Klaas Wreed, and essentially harmless. (Stats as mummy, but 1 HD). The skeleton is Fiora Misilmaglia, the former concubine of Klaas Wreed, who preceded him in death. She wears a dutifully fashionable dress worth 400 gold coins, a banded torc worth 100 gold coins, and a fox-head amulet worth 300 gold coins. In her hand, she clutches a pearl of protection +1. 
• Searching behind the fabrics: objects are hidden in alcoves along the walls:
• Jade orb in a gilded stand. Worth 250 gold coins.
• Snakebone fan: aquamarine paper fan with five stiff bone quills. The wielder can transmit their thoughts in fluttering script on the fan, intelligible only to their servants, vassals, and hirelings.
• Forged Tulip: The dye has faded, revealing that it is a chimera of silver thread, silk, and bone. It functions as a wand of charm person with 12 charges, but the victim is charmed by the flower more so than its owner.
• Behind the door: stuck to the door with wax is a blessed paper that repels the spirits of the dead. When waving it at one, they must test Morale (plz don't give them a really high morale score) or retreat. This paper has kept the iguana in the room until now.

7. Shattered: Three Malices stand surrounded by the shattered statues of captives. The walls are covered in scenes of atrocities committed by the general's armies— executions, looting, trucebreaking, and other miseries. The Malices re-enact these deeds against each other and the shattered statues.

8. Shrine: Stack of swords, skulls, receipts, and cauldrons forming a shrine to the immortal Nonggong, the Scorching Duke. Built out of love by Klaas Wreed and appeased out of fear by his soldiery. The shrine is covered in droppings and shows signs of nests forming throughout it. Several objects have been set out before it.

• Entering the room: May alert the rat swarm within the shrine.
• The objects: are offerings to Nonggong. Stealing one will anger Nonggong, but if the rats are killed or driven off, the image of a hobgoblin in banker's robes and armor will appear and grant the PCs permission to take them. They are: 
• Bronze Bell: Decorated with rows of bosses and a dragon with breasts like you'd see tattooed on a sailor's arm. Clapperless, it is meant to be struck with a mallet, whereupon it makes all coins within 100' hum along.
• Jade Boar Figurine:  Removing a lid in the back reveals that it is a drinking vessel, containing two doses of a potion of healing.
• Cursed Axe: The word "DON'T" crude scratched into the blade. Handle still blood-slicked. Once clutched, will not let go.
• Nonggong: Patron of mercenaries, lover of paydays, snob, and demoniac. His d6 means are Tenacity, Hot Metal, Idle Young Men, Wind, Flooding, and Greed.

9. Prayer: Chamber full of tables laden with written prayers, records of ancient transactions, and outdated political maps. Still, like a room someone just stepped out of.

• Searching: Every Turn spent searching has a 1-in-6 chance of revealing (d6) the deed to vineyard currently operated by a druid bishop, a scroll of Protection from Magic, a tablet with a very painful curse wished on Klaas Wreed, a +1 intelligent misericorde that is histrionic and xenophobic (save or attack Florentines [or equivalent] on sight), a map of the tomb with an X marking a specific soldier statue in area 12.

10. Heavens: Thirty soldier statues face towards area 8 (shrine). The ceiling glitters in firelight, showing precious gems and metals in a diagram of the heavens.

• Popping out a gem: causes a loud hiss as invisible, sickly-smelling gas descends from a hole in the setting. Those who breathe it in must save or go unconscious, suffocating if not returned to good air within ten minutes.
• Earth gem: limestone.
• Moon plate: polished silver disc worth 10 gp. 
• Sun plate: mirror-shining red gold worth 150 gp, smiling upon everything.
• Mercury gem: emerald worth 500. makes you immune to the poisonous effects of quicksilver.
• Venus gem: diamond worth 700 gp.
• Mars plate: iron medallion with faint grim face. When wet blood is upon it, counts as medium armor.
• Jupiter gem: topaz worth 300 gp.
• Saturn gem: amethyst worth 300 gp.

11. Officials: a collection of ten statues— stewards, seneschals, and bureaucrats— arranged as though in conversation. One is in the middle of delivering a low bow to the center of the room.

• Imitating the bow: makes the officials wake and speak. May give a party's leader a mantra against inhumane action— as protection against evil and immunity to Malices for the next hour. If the officials decide they don't like you, they will eat your food, drink your fluids, and screw with you.

12. Entertainers: Twelve statues— jugglers, fools, and dancers. Both they and the walls have been marred with curses against the general.

• Speaking a curse aloud: save or suffer its effects.
• "Let him dy the deathe, be fryd and piersd, and brokn on the wheel" Save or take double damage until you level up.
• "Nonggong turn yur back from druidsop Klaas" Save or suffer a penalty from Nonggong's Means table the next time you enter the shrine or encounter his worshippers.
• "May Klaas Wreed live in interesting tymes" Save or increase the chance of random encounters for a week.
• "LIGHT BLIND THE ORCARD BURNING GENERL" Save or lose the ability to see in firelight for a month.
• "A Pox On Him" Save or lose 1 charisma.
• "Gods turn klaas reed into the dog he acts as," Save or become a dog until you perform five good deeds. (🐶)
• Hidden in one statue: is a hollow cavity you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for it (see area 9). Smashing it open reveals a string of 100 gold coins and a bottle of Alchemist's gin: five doses, each with a different effect in sequence— levitation, fire immunity, invulnerability, liquid form, and magnetic grasp. Biting into the orange curing at the bottom of the bottle makes you immediately drunk.

13. Charnel pit: Pile of disarticulated bones. Workers will not attack here, simply weeping.

• If blessed: or otherwise improved, the zombified workers lie down in sleepy rows and their spirits move on. Ignore rolls of 5 on the encounter table.

14. Musicians: Long hallway with a procession of forty musician statues, each with their instrument. A party of chancers camps here, resting before continuing their search for the general's command rod. They are amiable, more likely to be rivals than enemies, but getting the rod would not go well for anyone.

• Speaking any name: causes the musician statues to play for a few seconds. If "Klaas Wreed" is spoken, they will play a triumphant dirge, and an illusory wall in the west will fade away, revealing a passage into area 16 (Unfinished).
• Daddo the Rake: Thief 2. Leads and organizes with sheer enthusiasm. Figures the command rod will allow him to command all these statues. Happy to make a deal to cooperate, then double-cross when the gold is in sight. Carries 500 coins muffled in cotton in his breast pocket.
• Bianca de Invernotore: Fighter 2. A brawler with a wicked hook-shield, she can make two attacks in a round; once with the hook and another with a fist, elbow, heel, or knee. Doesn't consider herself a "real" tomb raider, just hired muscle. Picked up a gem worth 250 gold when no one else was looking.
• Stefano Misilmaglio: Magic-User 2. A pretentious oaf who assumes that he is related to Klaas Wreed (he's not) and that this blood connection has fated him to own all that he finds here. Knows the spells Charm Animal and Hold Portal. Wears a dragon-headed gold ring worth 100 gold coins.
• Janneken the Foreigner: Hobgoblin. Hired as a guide but by no means a historian. Knows that this is the tomb of the Orchard-Burning General, but not his name. Keen sense of smell and skilled with the spear. Her signature move is to set a spear against a charge, and if she strikes a running foe twisting them to the ground. Just now picked up a set of Hobgoblin Pipes, a simple thing of bronze. Like much of the rest of the tombs, they are haunted. Any song played will only produce the notes of noy which bring melancholy and sorrow, as well as nearby spirits. If exorcised or Turned, it becomes a mundane set of pipes.

15. Pool: An artificial pond full of shimmering quicksilver, with a picturesque miniature shrine island in the middle.

• Crossing: Those who run quickly can hustle over the top, but cautious movement involves wading through— save vs mercury madness now and vs deadly metal poisoning a week from now.
• In the shrine is Reniu, a bird-cobold-spirit, ancient and all-knowing, who can advise those who consult him on the important matters of their lives with surprising insight and accuracy. But he's a real trickster, and if you fail the mercury madness save he controls your actions for 10 minutes, usually making you do something foolish and dangerous.

16. Unfinished: hall with unfinished warrior statues and statues of workmen on break. Leaning against one is an odd-looking puck-shaped object. The floor along the south wall has started to buckle, and there's a narrow gap into the foundations (area 19)

• Thuiskomst Wheel: A thick, fuzzy, mauve wheel of wax that weighs about a hundred pounds. If cut into, reveals perfectly aged cheese— chalky and soft, with notes of burnt onion and wet wool. By tradition, warbands setting out from the Underlands bring a freshly sealed wheel of cheese, and enjoy it upon their return. This specimen is especially fine, and if the party digs in, every member with Constitution 12 or less gains 1 point of Con.

17. Lich: Cracked wizard statue with glaring red-eyed black-toothed skeleton within.

• Vranck Wreed: Magic-User 8. The general's shit-kicking second son, awaiting his father's "inevitable" resurrection. Will crash through his statue-shell to throw a hex on fools who displease him. He wears fine black silk robes with skeleton embroidery, worth 1000 gold coins.
• Ten Nails: Vranck wears foot-long copper fingernails on his finger-bones, each one inscribed with a spell to form a spellbook of sorts.
• Left pinky: Phantom Limb (1st) Target saves or you control a limb of theirs for the next month. This nail also contains his Death, and if his bones are destroyed he'll drip out of the nail 1d20 days later and reform.
• Left ring: Magic Missile
• Left middle: Wizard Lock
• Left pointer: Laser Maidens (4th) Summon 1d6+1 loyal monocolored hologram-warriors with d6 HP, medium armor, shield, and spear for ten minutes. They can fly at light-speed at the cost of 1 HP.
• Left thumb: Five at One Stroke (3rd) Exactly five targets save or take 6d6 damage, cleft by an invisible chop.
• Right thumb: Name of Glory (3rd) Any number of targets in a 30' circle must save or periodically shout "Vranck Wreed!" for the next six hours.
• Right pointer: Devil’s Bridge (4th) Conjure a sturdy stone bridge across up to 200 ft. Of empty air. It falls apart upon the next new moon.
• Right middle: Locate Object
• Right ring: Levitate
• Right pinky: Detect Magic.
• Black Kiss: Vranck's teeth are covered in a lipstick of crushed jet kneaded into an Onychophora butter, keeping the tube and a tube of beeswax on his person. Smooch exposed flesh and the beloved must save or have that part of their body stiffened and paralyzed for 1d4 hours. A quick peck will only create a feeling of pins and needles. Four snogs remain in the stick. Loading up on multiple doses only slightly lessens the allure. When applying, be sure to lay down a layer of beeswax from the accompanying tube or else suffer the effects yourself. 

18. Rod: Hallway with twenty statues in a line, all facing towards a pile of rags and bones. Along the north wall, the floor sags, and a collapsed section leads down into the foundations (area 19).

• The pile: is a shanked skeleton with time-aged clothes. It carries the withered remains of adventuring gear as well as the command rod, a golden sceptre that resembles a blazing torch. If anyone picks it up, every statue in the dungeon will decide they're trying to become the next Orchard-Burning General and will therefore stab them to death (stats as hobgoblins). If you do manage to get it out of here, it's worth 2,500 gold coins, but as a treat it counts double for XP purposes.

19. Calamity: A vast section of the tomb's foundations have been half-collapsed and dug away by a Calamity. This gnawed cavern is irregular, dark, and stinks of saliva.

• Calamity: the oafish burrowing soldier of an infernal hierarchy (stats as umber hulk). Resembles a biker, a beetle, and a Pantalone. Feeds on disorder and confusion, and thus is in a sort of food coma from the psychic energy of the tomb. Maintains a collection of unpolished and raw gems he's found, worth about 1000 gold coins, in addition to some buttons and minerals of only sentimental value.
• Fighting the Calamity: risks bringing down the tomb above. Fighting (or otherwise exciting) the Calamity has a 50% chance of causing it to burrow through the foundations of one nearby chamber, then a 1-in-10 chance of causing a chain reaction collapsing the entire dungeon.

20. New Life: In the center of the chamber is a strange object like a red wardrobe, covered in written blessings and charms. To one side is a desk and scroll rack, and to the other is a stone coffin.

• The wardrobe: is a masterpiece of geomancy and kastromancy, a magical chamber to return life to the dead. Its operation is complicated (see the section below) and the wardrobe will not function in other locations.
• The desk: contains writings about how to use the "Fruit of Heaven Chamber" to bring someone back from death to life. The body must be set in the chamber and the door shut. A mage must call them back into the body by name, waving incense and shattering a magic sword (if they have ever killed someone) or tearing magic cloth (if they have not). They pour the blood of a hydra over the top of the chamber, and the newly alive body opens the door with 1 hit point. If anything goes awry in this process, what emerges instead will be a Custodian of the Deeper Fire (stats as greater fire elemental, but pissed off)
• On the desk, an elf skull is used as a paperweight. On the inside of the back is a hobgoblin phrase painstakingly inscribed: "De ouden zijn sterfelijk", a pointed sort of memento mori that is also a call to action. Someone displaying the skull, such as on a chain or wearing it as a helmet, may call on its magic if they are reduce to 0 HP, shattering it and regaining 2d4 HP.
• The coffin: is empty, just kept here in case it's needed. On the inside of the lid are glow-in-the-dark affirmations.

d30 Magic Swords

 I'm a big apologist for the classic +1 sword. Especially in a game with fewer bonuses to your attack roll, wielding a magic weapon always feels cool to me, and it's useful for a very common adventure game situation. They often just want a bit of pizzazz, some loving description or historical detail.

Cool extra abilities are cool (it's in the name) but I would say that it also helps to add some specificity. Many of the interesting swords of stories are interesting because they have some relationship to the wielder, the land, or the foe before them. 

In the list below, assume each sword is +1. Some have special abilities, others have special contexts. At no additional fee, some have both. If you want to roll on this table and you don't have a d30, just roll a d20 and add 0 or 5 or 10. They're in no particular order.

d30 Magic Swords

1. The masterpiece of this land's founding. Whoso wields it is rightwise king. If this seems arbitrary or even ridiculous to you, you have no trust in fate and no love in your breast.

2. This blade is the mark of a great and ancient comitatus, that not only wields the sword but aspires to be a swordsperson. To vanquish another wielder of such a blade heals you 1d4 HP per level, and to carry such a blade is to draw gauntlets from other duelists and from johuns and posers. Randomly encountered roughs should sometimes wield a sword of this type.

3. This blade is the mark of a great and ancient comitatus, but you will never be part of it. Their quest was broken, their dominion shattered, and those who recognize it do not like to be reminded of it, either for the ill it represents or the good it failed to defend.

4. When it gives someone their killing blow, this sword bisects or dismembers them, even defying logic. WHA-SHINK!

5. Bears an oddly glimmering edge. Can slice through anything softer than stone in one stroke, so long as it holds still and you narrate your stroke as a certainty rather than an attempt.

6. Hates a long-lived and crafty foe, burning or shimmering in warning of their servants.

7. Here is a sword that was given as a token, a love-sign of the elves or an adoption by the dwarves or some angel's grace-mark. The owner of the sword by the transmutation of love is a member of the giver-race, and more— for the slaying of a mer by a mer-friend or ghoul by one of the la tukal is worse than murder. It is a kin-slaying, for the orc-proven is not only an orc but a sibling to all orcs.

8. Much as a beyblade contains a bit-beast, this sword is imbued with a sacred animal that may deploy a signature move if the fighting spirit of the wielder is strong

9. This one is heavy, heavier than anything, but you can carry it. Its dweomer is to make the burden of a weapon literal, but to do likewise for its wielder's tenacity. Very few NPCs can even try to parry this blade, and more than a few will resent it.

10. From a workmanlike hilt comes a substance rare, light like shadow or web or rime, or fluid like fire or blood.

11. Dancing Sword. You fucked up, and now it’s dance or die. Sever nine heads in nine days, and in the instant you complete the geas you may throw it aside. Or let three rulers’ crowns encircle the sword, never resting until. Or serve a rough master until they ask five questions of you. It’s something odious and something you have to stumble through, and when you’re done it doesn’t feel like winning.

12. This is the bear-rider's sword, and if you wield it, you can ride a bear into battle, ignoring most or all of the buzzkill penalties

13. What? How can this be? You find the lost sword of your family. Its deeds were your family's deeds, its shame was their shame. When it was lost, so were they. How in the world did it get here, and how could it be you have come to find it?

14. Famously, this sword was used in some momentous deed whose effects are felt today. People can't help but consider the wielder's deeds in light of that elden use.

15. A long, deep crack runs along the blade. It rests in an arrested moment of blazing glory— within it are three swipes, a thrust, and a parry-and-riposte. Each is guaranteed to succeed, but if another sort of attack is attempted, or if the last move is performed, the sword finally shatters into a million pieces.

16. Beetle collector. If you're ready for it, you can try to slice projectiles out of the air with an attack roll that exceeds that of the attacker. For really big projectiles, like cyclops-thrown boulders, you probably have to figure out how to make your slices deal enough damage to thwart the boulder.

17. The black cat blade. Hurray, the sword comes with a loyal, purring shadow glimpsed at a distance and in darkness. Tragedy, for she seldom comes close enough to pet. Ask her a question, and in the morning you'll find a scavenged gift left for you in answer, promising weal or woe or weal and woe. A half-dissolved coin for the woe of the gelatinous cube. A scrap of cooked meat for the weal of a safe inn. A lock of hair for the weal and woe of a painful former love.

18. Used to be somebody. A curse mingled them into oppressor— violence— and victim— object. This princeling or mournful troll or caveman or spirit cannot speak when they have more tang than tongue, and cannot directly reveal the cure for their curse even when communicated with magically.

19. Occulted blade. This sword has no known history, which is confusing in itself. Where has it been and how long has it waited, that it has not interfered and won itself a name? Who forged it and why has it evaded notice so completely?

20. This one has a destiny, the kind of destiny that swords have. Its destiny's name is written along the fuller,and only that destiny's blood can wipe the name away. It will not break, unless snapped off in its destiny's armpit. If you are buried in a tomb, it will find a way out. Its destiny will not die a natural death.

21. Here a Reckoner, a sword against the tyrannies of nature. Makes the immortal wrath of a plague into one that can be fought, or solidifies the coiling hunger of famine so a sword may be stuck into it. No Reckoning-beckoner has ever managed to slay a heart's iniquity.

22. There a Reckoner, a sword to raise the tyrannies of nature. Makes the imagined wrath of a plague into a beast that can be ridden to Bethlehem, or solidifies the poetic coils of famine into a great beast for a warlord to command. No Reckoning-beckoner has ever died peacefully.

23. The tip of the blade softly glows and produces a thrumming hum. When you're in the dark and feel the wielder's approach, you decide for yourself if you really want to confront the master of a magic blade, or if you want to bide your time in the shadows. When in doubt, make a morale roll.

24. A weapon to hold a tripartite transformation. Hold it aloft under the open sky to call a fulminating metamorphosis, becoming as a Recidor— a nephil, a starknight, a roland. Slam it to the floor under the earth to raise a vulcanized rebirth, becoming as a Scansior— a diabol, a magman, a drizz't. Passing through the cope of the earth ends the change.

25. Sword that eats souls

26. Soul-catcher sword. Like a trapper spider, it swipes the soul from a deathblow, coating the blade in  fresh ectoplasm. Carefully collect it in a jar. Anoint a holy object in a tray full of it. Sip it from a bottle.

27. As-You-Like-It. Can go from the size of a pin to a lance to a narrow pillar. Perhaps the +1 to hit and damage is from the extra force of lengthening the sword as you strike?

28. A weapon belonging to your great foe, that remembers the echoes of their plans and their hidden byways.

29. A slayer's sword, that has learned to cut through dragon breath, or slice open gorgonized statues, or buffet wight-stench.

30. Katana, roll twice and combine

d20 Cargo Robots

I imagine these are the real standard types, variations on which you will find in far-flung sci-fi starports. Perhaps many of these were a brand-name model at one point, but after decades of time and light-years of distance you can't suppress these obvious winners with intellectual property law.

Please draw these. Draw one of these. Draw a picture of a bot and show it to me.

d20 Cargo bots

1. Mule, a biped with forklift arms

2. Liger, a forklift with humanoid arms

3. LD, a trundling cylinder with shower-head arms that generate anti-gravity

4. Oersted, a smiling box that sticks magnetic vertex stickers on crates to lug them about electrically

5. Flockers, a cloud of suction-drones

6. Ulysses Lifter, a two-meter disc with a computer in the side, a tube running from it to stomach-level, and a screen interface

7. Auto-Snake, an autonomous go-kart that drags and attaches fuel lines. Can carry lighter goods that are strapped down by teamsters

8. Toplines, mechanical puppets that ride around on rails installed in the warehouse ceiling, belaying up and down at will.

9. Grasp Droid, a big claw on wheels, fitted with sensitive sectional weight distributors for precise and safe carry

10. Sancho, with a tripod of deer-like legs and a hydraulic humanoid torso

11. Fernjack, a rolling cart with tendrils at one end to arrange and steady loads

12. Fido, a wheel that fits into axle of specially prepared crates to drag them around.

13. Spoonlift, a real big wheel with forks on the front and a hyperdense round counterweight on the back, dropping the counterweight to lift a load and drive around like a penny farthing bicycle.

14. Viker, a wide dolly with shoulder-high sides. Rolls right under a crate, tips back, and rolls away, barely hyper-competent at balancing its load.

15.Row Rack, a car-sized frame with hydraulic bows on the side. Drives over a crate and tightens the bows to carry it. Grumbles like a bear.

16. Heron, a metal giant like a terrible, tall angel with broad, shuffling feet. From the chest, a crane extends, gripped by knife-elbowed hands for stability.

17. Zipper-Tractor, a waist-high RC tumbler tank dragging a trailer on an ingenious hitch that won’t upset the load even if the tank fully flips over

18. Floor-Raft, a millipede of rollers with a rider plate at the back to carry workers and a loading-ramp mouth

19. Leap Pal, a friend-shaped squared biped with incredibly dangerous jetpack

20. Powerdrag, a sassy pallet jack

At worksites, assume there is an SOP which effectively prevents most potential accidents and carefully stows all hazards, Whenever one comes up, roll 2d6. On an 8+, wise precautions have been closely followed. On a 6+, they've been approximately followed. On a 5 or less, they've been ignored or replaced with an easier, ineffective procedure. Cyber-security gets a -2 penalty.

d20 Cargo Bot Quirks

1. Runs hot/cold. Workers use a compartment in the chassis to boil coffee and other hot drinks or store snacks along the coolant lines

2. Gives off fumes. Workers issued PPE. Some opt to ride the high of lightheadedness and slowed time

3. Talkative-- makes many beeps and pops with a speaker.

4. Discontinued and beloved. Newer versions are available, but they suck

5. Requires constant remote direction by an operator, for union reasons

6. Technically classed as mechanized operating suit, requiring a wearer to function for legal reasons

7. Frequently shuts down in accordance with hour of service regulations 

8. Chummy, with a quaint programmed personality

9. Easily explosive with some tech know-how. Worksites use this to discourage theft of the bot.

10. Contractually obligated presence, due to nepotism, covering for a corporate boondoggle, or to buy off the manufacturer’s political arm

11. Fully intelligent. Enjoys working, but stands up to mistreatment

12. Unnecessarily evocative or attractive (😳) mascot painted on the side

13. Oversensitive. Barks an alarm at almost anything

14. Sloshing. Needs a regular top-up of petroleum, saltwater, exc.

15. "Cyborg", integrating biological elements like a cattle brain processor, miniature fuel-generating biosphere, or regenerative fur padding.

16. Proprietary. Can only legally be serviced by a shadowy corporate camorra, with hardware built-in to threaten tinkerers.

17. Reclaimed. Created by an ancient society or driven-off aliens or outlaws, and built to serve their sensibilities.

18. Spy. Unlike most elements of the surveillance network, this one is publicly acknowledged under the fig leaf of efficiency tracking or scientific management principles

19. Integrated terminal. Internet severely but ineptly hobbled. Password written in marker on the keyboard.

20. Roll twice and combine

The Hydra Problem

 Discordian FifthDragon posted an image of this tumblr post the other day:

Interesting for sure, and with a very fine piece of art to go with it. But as people in the glog discord server riffed off this idea, suggesting their own variations, it made me think about the weird tension of hydras in adventure games. Like the troll and the vampire, the hydra's main gimmick is well-known. If you cut off a head, more will grow back in its place. Unlike the troll or the vampire, its gimmick is often quite avoidable if you endeavor to fight one. Rather than changing how you attack it, you ignore its special ability. Don't go out of your way to cut off a head-- just strike at the body as you would with any monster.

This isn't very fun. You want the monster to have the potential to do its coolest thing, but it would take an especially obliging player to willingly fall into the trap. Original D&D makes the regrowing of heads a special ability that only some hydras possess. Other rulesets might give the necks a lower AC or slow down the speed at which new heads grow to introduce some kind of risk-and-reward decision. Anytime I've run or played in a game which took such measures, they failed to encourage the heroes to consider trying to cut the hydra's heads. Most of the players I know are a little risk-averse, and often the mathematical considerations used to balance the dilemma are too obscure. Much safer, it was reasoned, to not engage with the hydra's special ability.

Some creativity can solve this. All you really need to do is give a proactive reason to slice at the hydra's heads. Here are some hydras for which the right circumstance can be set up without losing the element of risk inherent to the hydra's dilemma:

• Vampire hydra. You can try to use the standard vampire weaknesses, but it would be be hard to immobilize enough heads to drive a stake through its heart. Cutting each neck brings double smoke-particulate heads, but if you cut all the physical heads it is banished to its resting place to recuperate.
• Zombie hydra. Stupid, yet infectious. Cutting each neck brings double ghost heads, but if you cut off all physical heads you can send the fully-ghost hydra to its eternal rest by resolving its unfinished business. Usually this is embarrassing a demigod, fully killing a guy who's only mostly-dying of its poison bites, or telling its living descendants that it loves them and is proud of them.
• Lich hydra. A skilled, senile swordsman. Cutting each neck brings double mimic heads, then double rabbit heads, then double gorgoose heads, then double stirge heads, then its true death, which when destroyed ends the immortal fiend.
• Necromancer hydra. Intentionally kills the lesser heads to split off, then resurrects them. Rendering all original heads inert kills it.
• Skeleton hydra. If you cut off a heads, it doesn't double, instead snaking around as a necrophidius you may find more manageable.
• Pyrohydra. The classic fire-breathing hydra. Perhaps only the original heads can use its breath weapon?
• Philopater. The monstrous son of a vengeful god. You really don't want to kill this one, but severing a couple heads might give you enough opening to run away or hurry past it.
• Cosmic Hydra. Each head has a random alignment, and severing one might replace it with one or more allied heads.
• Mechanical Hydra. By summoning more pop-out heads, you create new weak points and even hiding spots in the torso of the monster.
• Cadmean Hydra. The hydra's blood is soldiers, gold, or some other desirable resource, and severing its heads is the most efficient way to access it.

Traveller (Mongoose 1e) World Generator

 I tried really really hard to make this 100% accurate to the rulebook, but was stumped a couple times. This generator won't give you the temperature of the planet, so they tend to have more water than generating a word by hand because the only modifiers temperature applies to hydrology is negative. More importantly, I couldn't account for all bonuses contributing to Tech Level, so I tried to average it out among all possible worlds by making its base roll a d7 instead of a d6. Though these compromises are unfortunate, I think the generator is very usable.

In addition to the book's work, I compiled suggested planet names from such places as an online list of Greek words and a wikipedia entry on fonts. I also expanded the potential cultural quirks list. This was all made functional by Spwack's wonderful list-to-HTML tool.

This generator uses the Universal World Profile format:

1. Starport quality (A is good, E is basic AF)
2. Size (0 is an asteroid, 2 is Luna-size, 8 is Earth-size)
3. Atmosphere Type (6 is Earth-like, 1-5 is various kinds of thin, 7-9 is varyingly thick, A-F is weird)
4. Hydrographic percentage (multiply by ten, give or take. 1 is 10% water, A is 100%)
5. Population (in orders of magnitude. If 0, no population outside spaceport)
6. Government type (complicated, but assume that higher numbers are more dystopian. 7 is multiple governments competing to be the global hegemon)
7. Law level (0 is anarchy, 10+ is maximal control)
1. (hyphen)
8. Tech Level (1 is Bronze/Iron age, 3 is 18th century, 5 is widespread electricity, 7 is the 70's, 9 is interstellar settlements, etc.)