Another "adventure component", like the Cabinent of Banes and Boons, intended as an exercise in compressed dungeoneering. Unlike the cabinet, this one doesn't have a fun sketch, but I think it needs it less.
Recently I was reading through my 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue by Francis Grose, and in between all the amusing stories, cack-handed censorship, and racism against the Dutch I was inspired to make this table.
Thief Hirelings In addition to the hirelings and retainers that can be found by scrounging taverns and putting up posters, a thief PC can find recruits who are a little less desperate and a little more skilled, the members of criminal society. You can give the thief PC a menu of villains and rogues when they touch base with the movers and shakers of a town's underworld. These hirelings are strictly better than the random and the desperate. They will always sign on for more jobs if the last one was lucrative, or if they're promised one last big score. They either have a specialty that succeeds with 4-in-6 chance or, if a robber, they have a thief's sneak attack ability. Finally, they have a thief's code of honor-- even if they make an enemy of the PCs, they'll never squeal when captured and will cover for PCs with the law.
Services:
Accomplices are half the price of a normal hireling. In every ten criminal hirelings, one is dab— an expert, worth double and drawing a double salary. In every twenty criminal hirelings, one is a dragoon— someone occupying two branches of one profession. Takes one and a half share.
When paying for information or for havens, the price is equal to 14x a day's wage for a one-time service to get 1 rumor, opportunity, or favor and 60x a day's wage per month for 1d3+1 each month. Bringing down the heat on an establishment counts as a favor owed to that establishment, and if they roll low enough on the d4 the haven may cut ties or demand a favor of you.
Thieves and Burglars
Adam Tiler- pickpocket's associate, who runs off with the goods
Angler- thief who steals with a hooked staff, especially through windows and grates
Autem Diver- pickpocket who specializes in churches
Banks's Horse- horse that plays tricks, or a a horse rogue
Bloss- woman who will pretend to be your wife, as in shoplifting operations
Boung Nipper- Cutpurse
Bubber- dine-and-dasher
Budge- thief who slips into houses and steals clothing
Bufe Nabber- dog thief
Bullycock- robber who initiates quarrels to create a pretense for the theft
Cracksman- house-breaker
Diver- pickpocket
Dubber- Lockpicker
Dunaker- cow thief
Bulker- pickpocket's accomplice who pushes someone against walls
File- pickpocket who works with a thug and someone who runs off with the goods
Fire Prigger- thief who loots burning buildings under the pretense of saving the goods
Ken Miller- housebreaker
Knuckle- superior pickpocket who steals pocket-books, watches, etc. in public places
Lully Trigger- thief who steals wet laundry set out to dry
Pad Borrower- horse thief
Poulterer- thief of letters
Resurrection man- corpse thief
Robert's man- experienced and mighty thief
Rusher- thief who bursts into a home to rob it after someone opens the door to speak to them
Tayle Drawer- sword thief
Tradesman- general-use thief
Robbers and Killers
Amuser- robber who throws dust or snuff into the eyes of their targets.
Ark Ruffan- robber skilled in boarding, known for throwing victims overboard
Bad Bargain- worthless soldier. Half price
Brother of the Blade- a soldier
Bruiser- a boxer
Clove- general-use rogue
High Pad- a highwayman, a robber of the barren spaces
Low Pad- robber who acts on foot
Freebooter- lawless plunderer
Hackum- bravo or slasher
Jumper- robber who enters by the window
Land Lubber- countryside plunderer
Miller- murderer
Picaroon- pirate
Rapparee- outlaw with a rapier
Scourer- brute who wanders the streets beating strangers and breaking windows
Waterpad- riverboat robber
Cheats and Recorders
Affidavit Man- false witness, giving any report for hire.
Bene Fearer- counterfeiter of bills
Elf- fairy or hobgoblin
Glimmerer- sham beggar with false evidence that their belongings were burned in a fire
Jarkman- counterfeiter of passes, licenses, and certificates for beggars
Owler- wool smuggler
Pincher- short-changer
Sharper- cheat
Information and Haven
Abbess- brothel mistress
Amen Curler- parish clerk
Arch Rogue- chief of a gang.
Beggar Maker- ale-house keeper.
Bluffer- inn-keeper.
Flash Ken- home that harbors thieves
Haberdasher of Pronouns- schoolmaster
Queer Rooster- eavesdropper who pretends to be asleep to spy on thieves in cellars
Miscellaneous Services
Bandog- bailiff. Double, or monthly fee to leave alone
Prescription of Aegrotat- apothecary's note excusing you from chapel
Barker- announcer skilled in drawing business
Beak- judge or magistrate. Cannot normally be purchased except by nobility
Bellwether- mob leader. Cost is double if they must provide the mob
Black Box- lawyer. Double cost for illegal measures, but courtroom antics are included.
Brother of the String- a fiddler
Brother of the Whip- a coachman
Carrion Hunter- undertaker
Cat's Paw- general-use accomplice
Catchfart- footboy
Catchpole- sheriff's deputy
Cent Per Cent- usurer
Chop Church- priest who sells church appointments and other preferments
Family Man- fence
Feuterer- dog-keeper
Glim Jack- linkboy. Also called a mooncurser
Jack Ketch- hangman. Traditionally paid 13 gp per hanging.
Impost Taker- gaming-table usurer
Knight of the Rainbow- footman
Mute- undertaker's servant
Nimgiver- physician or surgeon, specializing in venereal diseases
I link here to the Cabinet of Banes and Boons, which is intended to be easily added to an existing dungeon location to give it a bit more pizazz. Sometimes, those complicated and intriguing rooms, mechanisms, and objects that are sometimes found in dungeons really capture my imagination, the sorts of things a party of PCs could spend an entire session focusing on.
A potential pitfall of such adventure components is for them to be too punishing. With that in mind, I've designed the Cabinet to contain a lot of good items, and to signpost many of the bad ones. Classic trap-conscious caution will serve the party well, but hopefully they will not think it's too dangerous to play around with.
You can click here to get the Cabinet of Banes and Boons in a google doc format I consider easier on the eyes.
A1 bottle- de-aging potion, labeled "youth". Brothy, with spots of grease. Imbibing makes you five years younger at a tot. Contains twenty doses.
A2 bottle- siren bottle, labeled "beauty". Blue like deep water, with a vortex in the base of the bottle. When uncorked, emits the song of a siren. All present must save vs spells or wish to smash the bottle and protect its inhabitant. Within a siren lies. She wishes to devour all those who reject her and use the remainder as servants in a grandiose plan to make her ex, the shore, jealous. Breaking the bottle frees her. The siren is capable of crawling through the bottle when it is uncorked, but it is awkward. If she stops singing, the magical charm ends.
A3 bottle- empty green bottle, labeled "power". Someone drank this down long ago.
B1 jar- strength potion, labeled "strength potion". Clear fluid, reeking of wood and alcohol. Confers +1 strength per tot drunk. If three tots are taken by the same person, they also get -4 dexterity due to the size of their bulging muscles. Three doses.
BI vial- pink mummy salt, unlabeled. Desiccates flesh extremely quickly. Also makes affected joints close, so pouring this on your palm would probably trap it between your shuttering fingers and your palm and leave you in agony until you cut your hand off, which would be its own kind of agony, but one you might know how to deal with.
BII vial- red mummy salt, unlabeled. If inhaled (not wafted), save vs devices or suffer the Curse of the Temple Guardian. When someone under this curse encounters tomb robbers and similar sorts, they must save vs devices or go into a homicidal rage. This doesn't apply to their traveling companions unless they watch some fresh tomb-robbing action go down.
BIII vial- white mummy salt, unlabeled. Serves as a fine condiment.
BIV vial- brown mummy salt, unlabeled. Makes a fair dye.
BV vial- blue mummy salt, unlabeled. When exposed to moisture, it turns into a confused mummy. If the salt is split up into smaller sizes before being wetted, it will manifest as up to three smaller mummies instead.
BVI vial- black mummy salt, unlabeled. If inhaled (not wafted), save vs death or get a permanent -2 penalty to further saves vs death as your organs dry out. However, when you die, a day later you rise as an intelligent undead mummy.
BVII vial- clouded gems and scarab, unlabeled. These many small gems are cut in a variety of styles, though none is larger than a thumbnail. Hidden within is a magic scarab. When it bites a foe, it burrows into their flesh, doing 1d4 damage each round. After the third round, it reaches their heart and kills them. The scarab only has 1 HP, and can be attacked even after it has burrowed into its victim, but the damage is also done to them.
B3 pouch- jackal buds, unlabeled. Resemble hard, dried-out beans. Carrying these tend to attract packs of territorial wild jackals (-2 reaction) or hopeful jackalwere bachelors and bachelorettes (+2 reaction)
C1 skull- Skull of the mage Dryloken, capable of speaking when spoken to. He is capable of teaching a variety of spells, and will offer them in exchange for amusements, good wine, magic items, and positions with a good vantage point. Does not draw attention to the fact that he can still cast all of his spells. Knows detect magic, shield, locate object, ESP, wizard lock, lightning bolt, fly, confusion and some custom spells called Dryloken's Beast Memories, Scramble Terrain, and Dryloken's Hammer of Gravity.
C1 book- warden handbook, labeled "On thee Guardinge ofe Witches". A practical guide for warriors who seek to serve magic-users, complete with many illustrations of fighting techniques and simplified magical theory. Reading this will impart knowledge of how to use arcane magical items like wands, as well as a way of striking that ensures anyone you're attacking can't make a magic-user lose concentration on a spell, and a suggestion in the marginalia that suggests a bodyguard always distrust genies, imps, and strange beauties in remote locations.
C2 scroll- scroll describing how to cast the second-level spell "Drain Curse," The effect is not described. If the spell is cursed, a plugged drain appears somewhere on the body of the caster. If the plug is ever pulled, they will lose 1 HP of blood every round until it is plugged again.
C2.5 pouch- full of dead grasshoppers.
C3 pouch- full of golden grasshoppers, a favorite delicacy of golden snakes
C3.5 bottle- ceramic, corked bottle labeled "IMP". There are instructions to speak your wish aloud, then swig as much as you can. The bottle feels half-empty, but no liquid can be spilled from it. If someone puts their lips to it, they feel the kiss of a little freak through the neck of the bottle. If the imp likes their wish, she may use her magic to make it happen, and can achieve with a snap of her fingers what a powerful merchant could do in a week. The wish is usually fulfilled in the nastiest, cruelest way possible but not in a way that is boring for your or your players. Three doses.
D1 bottle- flat cola, labeled "sugar acid". Caramel-brown fluid. Harmless in the lifespan of a typical adventurer.
B1.5 bottle- universal solvent, labeled "super acid," Clear, thin liquid with a diamond stopper and enchanted bottle. If it falls from its shelf, it shatters on the ground, corroding a hole straight through the floor, as well as all floors below it. If splashed on someone, they are disfigured and must save vs breath or take 2d10 damage. One dose.
D2 bottle- stuck bottle, labeled "sovereign glue". Filled with fuzzy-looking resin. The glue has dried out, making a stiff and useless cast of the inside of the bottle.
D2.5 bottle- dragon in a potion of smallness, labeled "dimuniation potion". Pale blue fluid. The dragon has fins and gills instead of wings. If ever taken out of the solution, such as if it falls from the shelf and shatters, it will grow to full size over the course of three rounds.
D3 bottle- empty bottle, labeled "dragon egg do not mix". Somebody mixed it.
Central Cabinet Racks
A4 bottle- apple cider vinegar, labeled "vinegar". Light orange color.
A5 bottle- poison, unlabeled. Scarlet color, with a sweet and nutty smell. If sniffed directly (instead of wafted) or sipped, gives an upset stomach after ten minutes. If drunk, causes a save vs death or take 2d4 damage as the victim's insides shift, then causes them to explode— instant death. One dose.
A6 bottle- escape potion, labeled "teleporting" Purple, syrupy fluid. When consumed, teleports the drinker to a random location nearby. Roll 2d6, with higher rolls being more convenient and lower rolls leading to more dangerous places. Three doses.
A7 bottle- frothing venom, labeled "venom". Thick green fluid. If uncorked, starts to froth and foam. Inhaling (not wafting) causes a save vs breath or take 2d8 damage. Ingesting causes a save vs death or perish from blood vomiting 1d4 hours later. One dose.
A8 bottle- antidote, labeled "for poisons". Runny golden fluid. If ingested, cures ongoing poisons, venoms, and the like but gives the affected area a numb burning feeling for 1d4 hours. Two doses.
A9 bottle- fire ants and noble, labeled "ants". The ants crawl fiercely about, sometimes giving a glimpse of a small, glowing woman in fine regalia. She will gesture for anyone who studies the bottle to uncork it. If uncorked, the ants rush out in incredible numbers attacking all nearby and attempting to secure the cabinet for themselves. If they are taken care of, the woman will still be in the bottle, and will offer the PCs a princely sum to return her to her family in a neighboring country. She was cruel to her aunt, a witch, who made her small as a punishment.
B4 bottle- wisdom potion, labeled "hindsight". Runny ochre fluid. If drunk, reroll the quaffing character's wisdom score. In any result, the character gets a strong sense that consuming the potion was very dangerous. One dose.
B5 bottle- broken bottom, labeled "strong acid do not disturb!"
B6 bottle- metamorphosis potion, marked with a drawing of a skull. Clear, scentless fluid. Transforms the drinker into a death's head moth, but they can still talk. They have about a month of lifespan left. One dose.
B7 bottle- primordial soup, labeled "water of life", with the instruction "Beware, for I heal double the injury," Scummy water with bits of algae and milky strands. If ingested or poured onto a wound, it heals the damage that wound inflicted, then afflicts that area with permanent mutation. If it heals 3 damage or less, the mutation is mostly cosmetic. If it heals more, the patient saves vs death, passing indicating a beneficial mutation and failing indicating a harmful mutation. The bottle contains enough soup to heal 15 points of HP.
B8 bottle- whisper bottle, labeled "whispers". Appears empty. The first time it is uncorked, a high voice emanates from the bottle, muttering "remember Emery, it's the drawer on the middle row, second from the left you'll want to open with the key. It would be a fine way to end your apprenticeship if you lost another finger the same way as last time," Anything said into the bottle and then corked will be sustained until it is uncorked again, at which point the bottle softly echoes the message.
B9 bottle- firebomb, labeled "fire". Thick, tarry syrup. If uncorked, the syrup ignites. If someone opens it without expecting danger, they may save vs devices to act quickly enough to do something with it— throw it, try to drink it, etc. After those few seconds, the contents explode in flames, shattering the bottle. This covers everything within five feet in sticky fire. If this ignites the cabinet, 1d4 random bottles will burst every round until extinguished. If not extinguished after ten minutes, the combined fumes will swirl together and form a laboratory safety elemental (as invisible stalker, but smells godawful).
C6 bottle- creamy mayonnaise, labeled "mayo". White sauce.
C7 bottle- crunchy mayonnaise, (as crunchy peanut butter is crunchy), labeled "mayo?" White sauce, with bits in it.
C8 bottle- gender fluid, labeled "masculinity/femininity". Clear goo with an alcohol smell. After imbibing or rubbing onto the skin, one has a giddy, slightly nauseous feeling. The fluid changes someone's appearance and sexual characteristics into those they next hold in their head over the course of 1 Turn. Three doses.
C9 bottle- jelly skeleton, labeled "skeleton". Neon yellow fluid with strange folds quite unrecognizable as a skeleton. If uncorked, the fluid will shlorp out of the bottle and take form. The jelly skeleton has 4 HD and is immune to bludgeoning damage. She can fit through cracks and do other classic jelly moves. Loves the old and hates the cautious. Roll a reaction roll as normal.
D4-6 pile of sticky glass shards- under the surface of broken glass is shredded cork, muddled fluid, and strong acid. Carefully handling the pile bare-handed allows a save vs devices to avoid taking 2d6 damage from cuts and corrosion. Heedlessly messing with the pile allows no save. Wearing a glove allows a save, but on a failure the glove is simply destroyed.
D7 bottle- pocket dimension, labeled "genie world". Filled with swirling, sparkling blue smoke. If uncorked, fills the room with smoke which transports anyone there into a small dimension composed of a fortification on a hill in a desert, owned by a pious djinni gentlewoman, skilled in hunting, war, and poetry. She disdains mortals for their unsophistication and their tendency to steal books from her library, some of which have gold covers. She does not grant wishes, but if a mortal is impetuous to her, such as by demanding some, she will require three labors from them— first to keep her kitchen for three months, second to bring her a fine instrument from the world of mortals, and third to take the genie world bottle to a notable figure she has heard of— the master of another nearby dungeon. The portal back to the material world is found in an enchanted pond in her garden.
D8 bottle- transmutation fluid, labeled "lead to gold". It includes instructions for exactly how to apply the fluid and how much can be transmuted. Enough in the bottle to turn 20 pounds of lead into 20 pounds of gold.
A10 jar- magic jar, labeled "strawberry jam". Covered in black paint and oddly empty. Unlidding it causes the nearest person to save vs spells or have their soul become trapped in the jar, with the lid leaping to cover it. They can make others who touch the jar save vs spells or become possessed by them, and if the jar is opened their soul can leap back into its body. Ever thereafter, they can see disembodied souls if any are about.
A11 jar- enchanted jam, labeled "wrath grape jam". Full of jiggling purple jam. Eating the jam confers +1 to damage with a random weapon the consumer is proficient with. Four doses.
A12 jar- magic jar, labeled "real jam". Seems empty. Unlidding it causes the jar to burst with a hissed "you fucked up!" and three random encounters to arrive within a few seconds of each other, all at -1 reaction.
A13 jar- magic jar, labeled "bear jam". Seems to be full of loose fur. If unlidded, ejects a frightened brown bear. The jar functions as a fragile sort of "jar of holding", capable of holding 100 pounds of material, or ten times as much of bear.
A14 jar- ochre jelly, labeled "ochre jam". Jiggling and ochre contents. Since it's small, it only has 2 HD and attacks for 1d6 damage.
B10 candles- three half-melted candles that have merged together. If lit one wick at a time, can burn for an hour and a half.
B11-I drawer- contains a collapsible wand of potion identification. Has three charges, and after the charges have run out it will, due to a defect of construction, falsely identify all potions as creamy mayonnaise.
B11-II drawer- letter from a nearby dungeon's master, containing a plot hook or foreshadowing.
B11-III drawer- some old corks.
B12-I drawer- thimble and string.
B12-II drawer- This drawer sits especially straight in the miniature dresser. If opened, it clicks as a poison needle shoots out behind the face, then back in. Those opening it with their hand, even gloved or in chain, must save vs death or lose the finger as it turns black, falls off, and crawls away. Inside is a copper ring carved to resemble a curled, many-segmented finger with polished amethyst for a fingernail. It grows hot when the wearer is holding poison.
B12-III drawer- animate cornhusk doll. Ignorant of the cabinet's contents, but knowledgeable of the dungeon. Rustic and simple-mannered, mute, strong enough for surprising mischief.
B13-I drawer- mostly empty, but for some dried sage.
B13-II drawer- Spider in a web. If it bites you, gain a vibrational sense out to thirty feet but lose vision within thirty feet.
B13-III drawer- slip of paper with the word "Disjifio". Speaking the word summons a lesser water elemental, whose name it is. She was loyal to the group that assembled this cabinet and a reaction roll will determine how indulgent she is to strangers. If she is slain, the name will do nothing when spoken.
B14-I drawer- This drawer is infinitely deep, and contains all written works yet devised on small notecards. If the players get into this and you have to adjudicate it, fuck you.
B14-II drawer- slip of paper reading "leave this drawer empty", as well as a slip of paper reading "There is no strawberry jam. Grape jam is fine. All the other jams summon monsters," A close search reveals this drawer is a little shorter (to accommodate the trap in B14-III.)
B14-III drawer- at the back of this drawer is a small lever. Pulling the lever causes a bolt to fire from behind B14-II, striking the inspecting character in the head or neck. They take 2d10 damage, save vs paralysis for half.
C-Top key- a brass key intended to go to the lower drawers, but also used to safely open B12-II. Has a gough mark where the needle strikes it when used in this fashion.
C10 jar- miscellaneous eyes. They watch you. One near the middle is an Evil Eye of Orms-by-Gore. It will try to convince you to let it out, but it's a real prick and will either try to bite you or shoot you with its vampire beam.
C11 jar- moralistic jar, unlabeled. Several platinum coins in the bottom, condensation and saliva smell coating the sides. If you try to grab more than one coin at a time, your hand gets stuck, as in a Pringles can, and the jar tries to eat your hand. Contains 10 platinum.
C12 jar- will-o-the-wisp, unlabeled. Will lead you somewhere in a nearby dungeon room if freed. Make a reaction roll. If positive, may lead to treasure or a secret door. If negative, will lead to a trap or hostile monsters.
C13 jar- moonshine of treasure finding, labeled "treasure finding," Clear, oily, reeks of alcohol. Consuming makes a character fully drunk, but acts as a potion of treasure finding. Dwarves and famously stout characters can save vs death to negate most of the drunkenness. One dose.
C14 jar- bravery drought, labeled "for removing fear," Clear charcoal fluid with a whiskey scent. If drunk, separates someone's Fear from them (stats as shadow). Its disposition to them is based on their relationship with fear, and if unclear then roll reaction as normal. Thereafter the character will not feel fear again, and is immune to fear-based effects. Two doses. If one character drinks both doses, the second drink will remove their Caution (stats as troll), which is way worse.
D10 bottle- Jefles tequila, labeled "Jefles - for when you want a good time to be a great time or a rough time to be a great time - drink responsibly". Golden-hued distilled liquor with odd spices thrown in. At the bottom is a small worm. Jefles is unique among tequilas in this dimension, and heals 1 HP if consumed during a rest. If the bottle is broken, or if it is emptied without swallowing the worm, it grows into a Conqueror Worm and attacks (stats as spitting cobra). Ten doses.
D11 crystal- crystal of becoming. Seems like unidentifiable blue-white crystal worth a few hundred gold coins. Whoever carries it has dreams of cavorting with the crabs and lobsters under the sea. Each week, they save vs spells to resist become 25% more lobster-like, gaining +1 AC and getting -1 to ranged attacks and initiative. At 50%, they cannot wear plate armor that is not custom fitted to them, and at 75% they can scuttle at full speed in water. At 100% they have become a full lobster person, molt for one month out of the year, run backwards at full speed, and have large, meaty claws which can hold simple weapons but prevent the use of bows and, like, fencing foils.
D12 throwing knife- +1 body-theft knife. Invisible runes in the knife don't glimmer like the rest of the blade in torchlight. A magic-user studying these runes can infer that they have to do with the transfer of the soul. This knife can be thrown up to 20 feet and gets +1 to hit and damage. When it strikes a foe, they must save vs devices. On a failure, the knife explodes for 1d4 further damage and the souls of the victim and the person who threw the knife swap. If a PC threw the knife, they are now playing their target and vice-versa.
D13 curved knife- false knife trap. The metallic handle conceals a trap. Lifting it up completes a circuit, shocking the handle so anyone touching it takes 1d6 damage. If their hand is wrapped around the handle, they must save vs paralysis or find that the current is preventing them from letting go, leaving them to take 1d6 damage on further rounds until something can be done. This false knife cannot be removed from the rack.
D14 dagger- mundane weapon in good condition.
Lower Drawers
Left drawer- Locked by right-cabinet C-Top key. Inside is a label that looks like it belongs to a potion from the central cabinet rack labeled "exploding poison". Inspecting the drawer carefully reveals a notch in the back that allows a fingernail to pull the back out, revealing a hidden compartment flush with gems muffled in a pouch with cotton, worth about 1,000 gold coins.
Middle drawer- Locked by right-cabinet C-Top key. Inside the lock is a Key-slapping Slippard, which will knock away the key as it draws near. As all adventurer’s know, it’s very bad luck to kill such a creature. In this case, the PC who does so will encounter a hostile T. Rex within a week. Inside the drawer are three healing potions, all labeled “for injury”. They are cherry red and syrupy. One dose each.
Right drawer- Locked by right-cabinet C-Top key. Contains four scraps of paper. The first is written on dense parchment, and is an Explosive Rune that explodes when read, dealing 4d6 damage, save vs breath for half. The second is a scroll of the first-level spell Mark’s Trace Element, which can preserve a bit of fluid or residue for future study. Such a specimen can be used to recreate potions of which one only has the dregs. The third is a description of the throwing knife at right-cabinet D12, and how an apprentice named Emery almost became a giant snail when she threw it at one. The fourth is a list:
I- do not touch II- do not inhale III- IV- V- do not wet VI- maybe you should touch this one VII- keep a lid on it
